12494983_10153844803888544_8778256755365358071_n

SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on The 5th Wave:

1. Why are aliens always portrayed as dimwits in alien invasion movies? For a supposedly more advanced species that can create a now identified flying object, they don’t seem to have any good battle strategy and always lose in the end. I guess they have never played Clash of Clans.

In this one, their idea of going into war was a 5-step plan that included an electro-magnetic pulse, tsunamis, mutated bird flu, humans against humans, and basically training an army of kids to work for them. It took months of hovering over the planet to see their brilliant idea self-destruct because they forgot the strongest weapon of all: LOVE.

Cue maniacal laughter.

2. The movie started off fine with our plucky heroine (aren’t they all?) basically narrating all the events ever since the invasion started. It felt like the usual apocalypse survival movie (planes crashing from the skies, huge waves wiping out Thailand, pestilence spreading everywhere) and it was engaging and interesting. But then the movie got sidetracked by a developing love story (and you know that since this was based on a young adult novel, it would be a love triangle) that didn’t serve much purpose except to show a topless tampisaw sa batis scene with our lucky (I mean, lovely) heroine ogling her eyes out.

3. There was also a huge chunk of filler scenes involving a Quantico-style training school with the hopes that this movie would merit a sequel (uhh, I don’t think so).

4. I loved the school’s dedication to continue holding classes even with a huge UFO floating above the building. This should be a lesson for all kids (and parents) eagerly awaiting the announcement on cancellation of classes as soon as it starts drizzling. I remember as a kid waking up at 4am just to listen to the news on the radio. The words “Signal Number 3 in Metro Manila” made me feel like it was Christmas in July.

5. Crocs (yup, the awesome-looking footwear) are very much like cockroaches that can survive a nuclear explosion. Don’t forget to stock up in time for the next end of the world prophesy.

6. I really felt bad for the good actors trapped in this inferior movie. Liev Schreiber didn’t do much except bark orders, Maria Bello was made to look like a rotting corpse, Ron Livingston was tasked to keep making his eyes look big, and of course the talented Chloe Grace Moretz was given a scene where she searches a bag screaming “Where’s my gun? Where’s my gun??” just in case the audience was too dense to know that she was looking for her gun. (FYI, she also had a slow motion run in the woods because, well, the director wanted a slow motion sequence.)

7. I couldn’t believe that this was written by Akiva Goldsman and Susannah Grant (the same people behind A Beautiful Mind and Erin Brockovich). Can someone check if there are alien bugs controlling their brains?

8. “Love’s not a trick, it’s real. I know now because of you.” I suddenly wished that I was one of those people killed by the bird flu.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Advertisements