MOVIE REVIEW: THE BOY (William Brent Bell, 2016)


My notes on The Boy:

1. The great Joey Albert said it best when she sang “I remember the boy, but I don’t remember the feeling anymore.” (Obviously my sense of humor goes AWOL whenever I don’t like something.) Even with an interesting premise (old couple hires a babysitter for their “son”, a porcelain doll), this movie was almost devoid of any genuine scares. It had the audacity to have multiple dream sequences (to justify a couple of fake-out boo moments) and prevent the audience from falling asleep. In the end though, you would still leave the theater feeling empty and cheated.

2. Creepy dolls (like clowns) seem to be a staple in horror movies of late ever since Chucky spawned his own franchise. Brahms, the boy doll in this movie, would be the perfect boyfriend of Annabelle since they were both non-menacing and even oddly cute. I probably would be more scared if I saw Chaka Doll sitting on my bed and cackling hysterically while going over my wardrobe (“Tank top, sa taba mong yan??”).

3. Checklist of annoying horror movie tropes present here:

• Inspection of a grand old house that looked haunted as soon as one entered

• Requisite shower scene for our heroine

• Never turning on the lights when inspecting a weird, scary noise in another room

• Staring closely at a portrait or placing an ear near a mirror when you know that a hand will reach out from behind

• Discovery of secrets through a photographs montage

• Running up the stairs when you should be running out of the house

• Coming back for revenge even if you have already escaped

• Stale twist straight out of a bad M. Night Shyamalan movie

4. Speaking of shower scenes, could someone teach me how to keep these towels perfectly tied around the body even when the characters run or jump from an assailant? I really needed to know to prevent further trauma on Madam Rose.

5. In one scene, the said babysitter was tormented by the doll but had a change of heart after being offered a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Hunger could really drive one to madness so never ever say no to that extra cup of rice.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

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