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My notes on Gods of Egypt:

1. Although I was more fond of Greek and Roman gods and goddesses, I was also very fascinated with the Egyptian mythology. I probably enjoyed The Mummy series more than I should have only because of the inclusion of deities like Amun-Ra and Anubis.

I loved the excessive elegance of ancient Egyptian civilization (the majestic Pyramids and Sphinx, the lavish ornaments and costumes, the riveting lives of Tutankhamun, Nefertiti, and Cleopatra, etc.). I even had a period in my life where I would always eat grapes while sprawled on the couch pretending that I was being fed by servants.

2. Oh, so gold was running through the veins of these gods instead of blood. Forget dugong bughaw. I want to be a dugong ginto. I would just bleed myself every now and then and I would never have to work another day in my life. (The groaning sound you just heard was from my very disappointed parents.)

Besides, who wouldn’t want to be showered with petals everywhere you go? (“Mga alipin, pupunta ako ng Southmall. Isaboy ang mga kalachuchi!”)

3. The movie received a lot of backlash for its whitewashed cast (even if its bigger problem was the lack of a coherent story). I was indeed confused since Brendon Thwaites with his curly locks and toned body (and aptly named Bek) looked like a Greek twink that just came from a month-long escapade from Prague. Jamie Lannister and King Leonidas played dueling gods and even Oscar winner Geoffrey Rush was here playing the bald cousin of Gandalf.

4. Have you all seen that cult classic Dark City? It was an outstanding sci-fi thriller about a man framed for murders that he couldn’t remember committing (and now that I had thought about it, sounded like a chronological variation of Memento). It was also directed by Alex Proyas and starred Rufus Sewell. I also had no idea what they were doing this in awful mess.

5. As a kid, I loved playing with flying beetles, more popularly known as salagubang. I would tie a string on one of its legs and twirl it like an out-of-control balloon. If you tied two of them on opposite ends, you would actually create a pinwheel effect. (I’m so sorry, PETA!)

The giant salagubangs in this movie looked more fun to play (or ride) with. Of course, I was more amazed with the beast that looked a giant vagina with teeth, but that would be a different playtime story.

6. Ooh, SilverHawks! Wait, that should have been GoldenHawks.

7. Apparently in the afterlife, there was a group of Cebuana Lhuillier alaheras that will determine your entry to the cosmos door (or whatever) so one had to be rich or your soul will get pulverized. I noticed that one side of the weights only had a feather and the trinkets just had to be heavier than that. I guess Tita Annabelle Rama’s place in the afterlife is more than secured.

8. Over two hours? Really? Talk about a GGSS movie.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

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