THIS TIME I’LL BE SWEETER (Joel Lamangan, 2017)

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Saan ba dapat itapon ang pelikulang ito: sa Nabubulok o sa Di Nabubulok? It was the lowest form of filmmaking that the very first scene alone was already out of focus. It was also riddled with an incredible amount of pointless events and continuity issues (and the funniest airplane crash in cinema history).

Ken Chan (eeriely sounding like Aljur Abrenica) played a swimmer who had the exact same amount of baby fats that I retained from years of eating KFC. The usually competent Barbie Forteza was too annoying here, very much like her red hair extensions.

In one scene, Akihiro Blanco professed his love to Barbie in a library and chose to do it across from her with a bookshelf between them. Para artistic ang shot. Nabasted tuloy siya sa kaartehan niya. Buti nga.

I couldn’t get over the sheer silliness in this movie. Ken’s family owned an airline company and yet he had to purchase his tickets for that airline at the check-in counter. In another, he dragged Barbie to the rooftop and said, “Ang hangin no?” and yet her mega curls weren’t even moving. (May fascination nga pala ang pelikula sa bubong scenes. Marami-rami sila.)

More iyak si Ken out of guilt sa death of a family member and then paglabas sa mausoleum more landian na with Barbie sa ulanan. Seriously? Mas natuwa pa ako kung nabuhay yung bangkay tapos binatukan silang dalawa.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

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