YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN (Dennis Dugan, 2008)

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Silver lining: Glitter isn’t the worst Mariah Carey movie.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

ZOMBIELAND (Ruben Fleischer, 2009)

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My favorite scene (aside from everything with Bill Murray in it) was when Jesse Eisenberg said that the best thing about Zombieland was that “There are no Facebook status updates”, and then a year later he played Mark Zuckerberg on The Social Network.

Rating: ★★★★☆

SILLY RED SHOES (James Mayo, 2019)

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Huy bakit ang lakas magpakilig ng KyCine? Sobrang cute nila together at plus point pa na marunong sila pareho umarte. Nadagdagan na naman ang mga paborito kong love teams. Given the right break, sure ako todo sikat ang dalawang batang ‘to.

Nagustuhan ko yung pagkahabi ng fantasy element dun sa main daddy issues storyline. Feeling ko nga with a few tweaks ay maganda siya na full-length feature. (Or siguro it was easier for me to overlook the flaws din kasi free sa iWant?) Still, na-enjoy ko talaga siya.

Ang galing pa ng supporting cast with Herbert Bautista (potential comeback soon?), the always dependable Anna Luna, and the biggest surprise here Karen Reyes (ghorl mahusay ka pala sa iyakan?).

Ganda nung confrontation scene with all five characters in the frame. At yung signature (?) lakad-lakad sequence ng director na nagpaalala sa ‘kin nung impressive breaking the fourth wall scene sa Kuya Wes.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

THE HOUSE BUNNY (Fred Wolf, 2008)

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Such a guilty pleasure!!

It’s even a treasure trove of my favorite quotes:

“The eyes are the nipples of the face.”

“Instead of the mahi-mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”

“Kindness is just love with its work boots on.”

“Who knew steam can be hot? I wonder what they did when Marilyn Monroe did it. They probably added soothing botanicals to the steam rising from the manhole. I like that word. Manhole.”

Seriously though, Anna Faris deserved an Oscar nomination for her terrific performance in this movie.

It was also nice to see some of my faves like Emma Stone, Kat Dennings, and Katharine McPhee here. Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at? Where my, where my, where my Zetas at? ❤️

Rating: ★★★★☆

(Originally published July 2, 2017.)

CHARLIE’S ANGELS (Elizabeth Banks, 2019)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

I felt bad that this reboot flopped in the US box office since there were several things that I actually liked here. Sure, I would have wanted it to be more fun/campy/action-packed and less serious/dragging/TV-ish, but it still delivered the goods.

The new Angels were really adorable/interesting/badass and it was great to see them with distinct personalities. My favorite was Ella Balinska as Jane, who had the right amount of elegance/fierceness/charm (her chute-sliding scene was amazing).

Not too keen though on that Mission: Impossible (the movie, not the show) -type twist. Also, Sam Claflin probably gave the worst performance in cinema this year.

In the end though, it was hard for me not to appreciate a movie that really screamed girl power (bulletproof bras!) and feminism and respect, especially one where a male character asked for consent before he could touch a woman’s back.

“Women can do anything!” Hell, yes!!

Rating: ★★★☆☆

FROZEN II (Jennifer Lee, Chris Buck, 2019)

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The story felt too complex for the young ones (“Dad, what’s permafrost?”), but might also not be as engaging to the older crowd (the mother sitting next to me had a well-deserved hour of nap before she tends again to her kids for all of eternity).

I really liked the 80’s vibe of Lost in the Woods and almost everyone was humming/singing Into the Unknown as they stepped out of the theater. The rest of the songs were not as catchy, although they would fit right in a Broadway musical.

Plus one star for Olaf’s hilarious recap alone (don’t miss his post-credits scene). Oh, and those gorgeous new dresses of Elsa would be perfect for Halloween 2020. Get your wallets ready, dear parents!!

Rating: ★★★☆☆

ADAN (Roman Perez, Jr.)

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Ganitong-ganito ang mga softcore Viva movies nung early 2000’s starring Maui Taylor (who interestingly played a nanay role here) and Rica Peralejo na directed by Yam Laranas or Erik Matti. Yung kunwari may story pero obvious naman na excuse lang para mag-kamison ang mga bidang starlets at matupad ang sexual fantasies ng mga kalalakihan.

Yung matutuwa ka na 18 years old ka na kasi mapapanood mo siya sa SM Cinemas nung hindi pa sila nagpapanggap na family- and values-oriented. (Btw, I saw this in Southmall because it was shown under the guise of an R-16 film. Oh, the irony!!)

Medyo awkward panoorin ang sex and nudity scenes kasi hawig ni Rhen Escaño si Yasmien Kurdi tapos si Cindy Miranda naman parang sultrier Kathryn Bernardo.

Bilang certified chimbies, syempre ang paborito nila kainin ay sinabawang tahong. For future local lesbo films, I suggest gawing nilagang mani, mainit na monay, adobong pechay, or malagkit na kalamay para maiba naman.

For the problematic straight male crowd na gusto sumakit ang puson, go nuod lang.

(And Lolita Carbon, why?!?)

Rating: ★★☆☆☆