MOVIE REVIEW: SAFE HAVEN (Lasse Hallström, 2013)



It’s funny how much people love Nicholas Sparks novels and films when he’s obviously the Grim Reaper of fairy tale romances.

This one had so many twists that would put M. Night Shyamalan to shame. Pfft!

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published February 20, 2013.)




My notes on ABNKKBSNPLAko?! The Movie:

1. Most of the pop-culture references will alienate the Gen-Y crowd. If you’re part of this group, don’t even bother. (Sample test: Who is Robby Rosa?)

2. I never bought the whole idea of Jericho Rosales as a high school student even with all his exploding zits. I did consider buying Eskinol Master after the screening.

3. The book’s wit and humor obviously didn’t translate well on screen. Actually, the movie barely had a plot and was just satisfied with stitched-up vignettes about life in school.

4. I tried to remember if I have ever pooped or peed in my shorts during my elementary days. (Answer: No, I think.) Unfortunately, I also remembered everyone in my school who suffered that fate. (No, I will not name-drop.) I believe in karma so I guess they’re all rich now.

5. One scene had two kids enter the cinema to watch Bagets. Was that even possible? I remember one of my wishes as a kid was to grow up so I could watch R-18 movies because even PG movies required a guardian. I know this since I’ve spent all my life in theaters.

6. The movie did get the Orchestra, Balcony, and Loge sections right, though. I can’t believe I was already alive when ticket prices were only P20.

7. Andi Eigenmann wore too much make-up for a high schooler. Vandolph had a noticeable tattoo on his arm. These kids wouldn’t have survived in my school.

8. The movie completely ran out of material after 80 minutes. I should have re-read the book instead.

9. If the mere mention of Nutribun makes you feel nostalgic, then this one’s for you.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published February 22, 2014.)