MOVIE REVIEW: TULIP FEVER (Justin Chadwick, 2017)

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What a hot mess! Like a Kapamilya Gold teleserye that adapted the campiest work of Shakespeare.

The tulip was actually a metaphor for Alicia Vikander’s vajayjay and the fever referred to her burning loins. It was so silly that it just might be a future cult classic.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 12, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: UNSANE (Steven Soderbergh, 2018)

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The entire film was shot using an iPhone and I couldn’t even take a decent selfie with one.

Too many implausibilities made it fall short of being a gripping thriller.

Claire Foy (who looked and talked like Sarah Paulson) was terrific as a troubled woman who might be one fry short of a Happy Meal.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Originally published June 11, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: NOW YOU SEE ME (Louis Letterier, 2013)

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I hate this trend of movies dumbing down the audience by explaining everything in the ending. Leave something for us to think about please.

Now You See Me will trick you into thinking that it’s a great movie. You’ll be entertained up until the predictable ending. Just like magic.

It had a clever magic sequence at the start. It was a common card trick but I completely fell for it. You will, too.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Originally published June 9, 2013.)

MOVIE REVIEW: AFTER EARTH (M. Night Shyamalan, 2013)

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At least it’s not The Happening.

The good news: it wasn’t as awful as I expected it to be. The bad news: It was still a bad movie that played like a lame videogame.

It was Hollywood nepotism at its worst. Jaden Smith seemed to have lost all the charms he displayed in the Karate Kid remake.

For all its worth, I was happy they downplayed that it was a Shyamalan movie because (spoiler alert!!) it had no requisite twist.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 9, 2013.)

MOVIE REVIEW: SIDE EFFECTS (Steven Soderbergh, 2013)

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Interesting thriller that might have worked better if it wasn’t paced like Solaris.

Woman’s married to Channing Tatum and she’s still depressed and suicidal. There’s a scientific term for her condition: crazy.

Kidding aside, this is a mildly entertaining thriller dealing with depression and prescription drugs. To say more would ruin the fun.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Originally published June 9, 2013.)

MOVIE REVIEW: WASHINGTON SQUARE (Agnieszka Holland, 1997)

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Even with a wonderfully talented cast that included Jennifer Jason Leigh, Albert Finney, and Dame Maggie Smith, it was still no match with the brilliant ensemble of Ikaw Pa Lang ang Minahal (Queen Maricel 4ever!).

I really liked the glaring differences with its Pinoy counterpart, though (the absolute lack of melodrama and camp, a less caricaturish and more caring Doctor, a restrained yet equally bittersweet ending).

Your adaptation’s next, Miss de Havilland.

Rating: ★★★★☆

(Originally published June 10, 2018.)