Even worse than the first. Watching this movie about a family of morons getting butchered definitely put the torture in torture porn.
It was so bad that I was gleefully singing along to Air Supply’s Making Love Out of Nothing At All while the whiny daughter was getting ready to be filleted.
(Originally published June 16, 2018.)
Completely unbearable. If I didn’t pay good money (and if it wasn’t so damn hot outside), I would have walked out after 15 minutes. Sarah Lahbati needed to join extensive acting workshops since she delivered her lines like she was in a grade school play. Poor Solenn Heussaff had to slam her pretty face in a pie and make love with a blueberry pineapple “croissant”. Must be desperate times. This movie was simply a 5-minute Bubble Gang skit stretched to 2 hours of moronic proportions. It would probably end up as the worst movie of the year.
(Originally published June 14, 2012.)
Mukhang naubusan na ng Vicks jokes si Josep kaya inulit-ulit na lang ang clichéd nurse at karaoke references (pero seryoso hindi man lang in-update to videoke?).
Siguro maiiyak ako kung nagbayad ako ng Php7k for front row seats sa Solaire tapos ang mapapanood ko parang #PinoyFried episode ng It’s Showtime. Mas marami pa airtime ang clips pandering to a false sense of national pride at ibang guest acts kesa sa actual stand-up.
Yung feeling na sobrang excited ka manood at makinig sa mga relatable Pinoy jokes tapos ang makukuha mo breakdancers, ibang Fil-Am comedians talking about dick sizes, at si Iñigo Pascual.
To quote the real Pinoy Pride of 90 Day Fiancé, “Ngiii!!”.
I had a choice between The Disaster Artist or this. I wish I could finally learn from these terrible decisions. (Just look at that poster! What was I thinking?)
(Originally published June 13, 2018.)
Similar to A Serbian Film, I probably would never watch this one again. It succeeded on its intent to shock and disturb (penile implant! penis ingestion! incest! self-mutilation! sado-masochism! rape!), but it didn’t rise above such a shallow goal.
It was also dialogue-free (for no apparent reason) so I ended up supplying the lines halfway through just to keep myself awake.
Watch Pieta instead.
(Originally published June 12, 2017.)
More preachy than funny. I felt like I got bludgeoned over the head with its propaganda.
A corny, lowbrow satire with social commentaries better said in a single strip of Pugad Baboy. One hot mess.
(Originally published June 9, 2013.)
Like a Seiko Films version of 50 Shades of Grey.
But seriously, I had to check for a moment if I was still watching on Netflix or I accidentally (don’t we all?) switched to PornHub instead.
An endless array of loud noises and cheap scares that might actually make you go deaf. Oh, quiet.
(Originally published June 4, 2014.)
I wonder why filmmakers and distributors allow their movies to be butchered just to get a more audience-friendly rating. Do we expect a movie with a title referencing breast cup sizes to be anything but R-18?
Since the final version got skewered for an R-13 rating, the movie ended up with just an hour runtime with obvious cuts every five to ten minutes. What’s left was just pure trash with possible jokes getting cut off since they were inappropriate for younger audiences.
By the way, this flick starred David Hasselhoff and his man boobs. Oh the horror!
(Originally published June 3, 2012.)
Further proved that a full-length Chow movie would never work. Almost devoid of laughs.
Aka The Hangover Part III: Law of Diminishing Returns.
(Originally published June 3, 2013.)