MUMBAI LOVE: THE MOVIE (Benito Bautista, 2014)

9794CF30-F1C0-489D-8AC4-556D749EC858

My notes on Mumbai Love: The Movie:

1. It was hard to take a love story seriously when the lead actor wore more eyeliner than the lead actress.

2. This was no different from a typical Star Cinema movie where the location played a mere backdrop for a travelogue montage.

3. I still think that Solenn Heussaff looked great onscreen and given the right project might actually be a fine actress.

4. And the trend of me not liking a movie with Miles Kanapi continued. I couldn’t blame her though since she was such a committed actress.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published January 24, 2014.)

I, FRANKENSTEIN (Stuart Beattie, 2014)

C73A49D4-F417-491B-ABCF-CABF052AEB21

My notes on I, Frankenstein:

1. Imagine (or not) Underworld with gargoyles vs. demons and with Frankenstein caught in the crossfire. I also didn’t know what he was doing there in the first place.

2. Aaron Eckhart seemed to be sleepwalking through this role. Dr. Frankenstein chose the body parts wisely, though. He was so ripped that I wondered if most of the cadavers used to create him were bodybuilders.

3. I know that Bill Nighy might look like an evil creature, but I couldn’t understand why he continues to accept these thankless vampire/demon/warlock roles. I hope he received a big fat paycheck for this.

4. Endless battles. What happened to the story? Pfft!

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published January 24, 2014.)

MIA (Veronica Velasco, 2020)

FF51FD50-B39C-40FB-8B99-B06293999365

Kung gusto ko makarinig ng non-stop random trivia about earth science eh di sana nakipag-date na lang ako kay Kuya Kim.

Favorite part ko nung dinala ni Edgar Allan Guzman si Coleen Garcia sa minahan tapos nagka-realization si Ate mo: “Ngayon nakikita ko na talaga na open pit mining is MADNESS!!”.

Greta Thunberg is shooketh!!

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

CAMPUS CRUSH (Crisaldo Pablo, 2009)

7A7DEEF6-82E8-434E-A459-AE20CAEA80C5

Signs that you’re probably watching a local queer B-movie (which, let’s admit it, has its own special place in Philippine cinema):

• The boys in the swim team wearing oh-so-skimpy trunks like they were stage-ready for their production of Total Eclipse of the Heart in White Bird

• A public shower room scene where three swimmers would rather share one spout while rubbing their really wet bodies

• Cute cotton candy pink school uniforms for guys, approved by Britney Spears

• The iconic Chamyto Aguedon

• Copious amounts of male frontal nudity (that weirdly reminded me of Pampanga’s Best) and gratuitous sex in the most unexpected places (e.g. utility room next to cans of Boysen paint)

• Sample dialogue: “Gwapo ka pero pokpok ka!!”

• La La Fish Crackers product placement

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆