PROJECT ALMANAC (Dean Israelite, 2014)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on Project Almanac:

1. Did the movie really need the overused shaky cam approach? Also, shouldn’t that entirely disappear whenever they time travel?

2. My other problem with this found footage style, the batteries last forever. When they found the old videocam after 10 years, how could the batteries still be working? Apple, were you taking down notes?

3. Their initial goal for time traveling was to kill Hitler but due to limitations they ended up just trying to save the grade of one friend. Also, it took them several tries to help him, yet they didn’t want to go back several times in history to win the lottery? Really?

4. Can two me (older and younger) exist in a wormhole? What happened to the time space continuum? Also shouldn’t there be a butterfly effect? If he had to go back in time to destroy the time machine and successfully did it, then that meant there won’t be any time machine in the future that would make him go back in time to destroy the time machine? Still with me?

5. One character said, “From now on we’re filming everything.” But weren’t they from the start?

6. The references to Looper, the Terminator movies, and even TimeCop further showed that there were so many better movies out there that already covered this same theme. Next, please.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published February 15, 2015.)

THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI (Martin McDonagh, 2017)

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It came very close to being unbearable when it ceaselessly tried to elicit laughs from such serious themes and situations. Very much like its deeply-flawed characters, this one was just beyond redemption. Frances McDormand was phenomenal as always, but this was a waste of a really talented cast.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published February 15, 2018.)

PADDINGTON (Paul King, 2014)

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My notes on Paddington:

1. Why do these foreign movies now start with a disclaimer from the distributor explaining why the version you’re about to watch got mutilated? It’s not like we had a choice to begin with. (Ok, illegal downloads but don’t be such a smart-ass.)

2. I still couldn’t understand why the movie filled with British characters had to be dubbed by local actor Xian Lim. It didn’t add anything to the final product. It wasn’t like Paddington had to say a few Tagalog phrases. He actually ended up sounding like a Pinoy Harry Potter with a wobbly accent. Or a distant relative who lived in London for a few months and suddenly had a bloody faux British accent.

3. The mostly English cast was superb. Hugh Bonneville, Sally Hawkins, Julie Walters, Jim Broadbent, all it needed was a few more Downton Abbey players. And then there was Nicole Kidman.

4. To be honest, I was baffled by the glowing reviews for this movie. Maybe I was just too old and cranky to watch something so juvenile. I know it was primarily aimed at kids but if your idea of humor was a bear sticking toothbrushes in his ear then licking the earwax off before a human character actually used one to brush his teeth, then you might enjoy this.

5. The trench coat on Paddington reminded me so much of streakers. He could be the nicer cousin of Ted.

6. Two scenes were straight out of the Mission: Impossible movies and I have to say Kidman did it better than Cruise.

7. I liked the bit explaining how parents suddenly become overprotective of their kids. If only the film focused more on the heart instead of the crass.

8. The movie did make me crave for marmalade. Wait, is that different from jam? Or jelly? Either way, I need a jar now.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published February 16, 2015.)

THE VOW (Michael Sucsy, 2012)

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I am happy and in love.

With that said, I didn’t fall one bit for this sickly-sweet love story that will surely melt hearts this Valentine season. As soon as the words “inspired by a true story” appeared onscreen, I knew what I was in for.

There were so many unbelievable clichés thrown in that you’d completely understand why they had to start with that disclaimer.

Channing Tatum may have looked the romantic lead part but he was definitely not equipped to play it (and no, gratuitous nudity doesn’t fall under the “equipped” part).

There were some good moments in there but very much like a fling, most of the film was completely forgettable.

In the scale of romantic movies, this one was closer to the execrable Dear John than the uber-cheesy but more heartfelt The Notebook.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published February 14, 2012.)

JAMES & PAT & DAVE (Theodore Boborol, 2020)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

Sayang kasi namukadkad ang pechay, I mean comedic talent ni Loisa Andalio dito. Ganito nag-start si Kim Chiu dati eh. Ganda pa ng rehistro ng mukha niya sa big screen. I can’t wait to see more of her in future (non-Hospicio) projects.

Nasobrahan ang pelikula sa corny humor at mostly OA performances (lalo na si Awra Briguela as “Sasha Valur”). Bawal ang normal conversations dito. Kelangan level 999 ang delivery na maririnig ng mga aso sa kabilang kanto. Grabe nakakatulili!

Kung Got 2 Believe ang peg ng first movie, dito naman may brutal roast ng Dahil Mahal na Mahal Kita. Infer natawa ako nung sinabi na baka mabagok pa ang ulo ni Claudine nung nagpagulong-gulong sila ni Rico sa burol. Mapanood nga ulit ‘tong sina Mela.

Umayos ng 5% ang acting ni Ronnie Alonte. Kaso feel na feel niya na siya ang second coming ni Robin Padilla. At sana lang hindi siya nilagay sa mga kadiring situations na supposedly romantic like magka-hard on matapos masubsob ang talong niya sa pechay ni Loisa, no?

Rating: ★★☆☆☆