BRIDE WARS (Gary Winick, 2009)

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Burning questions:

• I couldn’t understand why they chose to sabotage each other’s weddings when they were supposed to be the best of friends. Shouldn’t they have tried to ruin the life of Casey Wilson instead (especially since she acted really maldita to them)?

• Would any woman in her right mind ever dump the leaner version of Chris Pratt for another guy?

• They looked so much in love. Why didn’t they marry each other instead? #LoveWins

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published July 1, 2017.)

MOVIE REVIEW: UNTRUE (Sigrid Andrea Bernardo, 2019)

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At least iba sa usual Pinoy fare. Kaso mukhang mas bagay siya na short film. Kung tutuusin di rin naman bago ang story nya sa typical revenge thrillers. Ramdam mo pa na malakas ang influence dito ng Gone Girl.

Sobrang bano talaga umarte ni Xian Lim. Yung atake sa role eh parang day 1 pa lang niya sa Baliw-Baliwan 101 course ng Star Magic Workshop. Dami ko tawa sa kanya. Dun sa eksena na umiiyak siya na parang bata napa-“Huy ginagawa mo?” talaga ako sa screen.

Okay naman si Cristine Reyes. Ang standout for me here was Rhen Escaño. Malakas ang star quality niya kaya pala nakuha siya na scissor sister sa Adan.

Maayos naman ang techs overall. Pero ang nagustuhan ko talaga dito ay yung use nung mala-Greek chorus kasi naalala ko ang Mighty Aphrodite ni Woody Allen.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

MOVIE REVIEW: PROMETHEUS (Ridley Scott, 2012)

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It’s not a good week for Charlize Theron. She now owed me good money for that Snow White retelling and this Aliens prequel.

My biggest problem with this movie was that it tried too hard to be profound, but it indulged in the usual summer blockbuster action flick money shots. Other than the amazing visual effects (especially the luscious views and that stomach-churning surgery), everything else felt like a clunker. The movie got lost in all its religious themes and ended up ignoring all the questions.

In the end, it was nothing more than a plodding popcorn movie. Except that you wouldn’t want to eat popcorn while watching.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 14, 2012.)

MOVIE REVIEW: TULIP FEVER (Justin Chadwick, 2017)

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What a hot mess! Like a Kapamilya Gold teleserye that adapted the campiest work of Shakespeare.

The tulip was actually a metaphor for Alicia Vikander’s vajayjay and the fever referred to her burning loins. It was so silly that it just might be a future cult classic.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 12, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: AFTER EARTH (M. Night Shyamalan, 2013)

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At least it’s not The Happening.

The good news: it wasn’t as awful as I expected it to be. The bad news: It was still a bad movie that played like a lame videogame.

It was Hollywood nepotism at its worst. Jaden Smith seemed to have lost all the charms he displayed in the Karate Kid remake.

For all its worth, I was happy they downplayed that it was a Shyamalan movie because (spoiler alert!!) it had no requisite twist.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 9, 2013.)