MOVIE REVIEW: GET SMART (Peter Segal, 2008)

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One hundred ten bloated minutes and I only laughed thrice: when the Cone of Silence failed to work, when Carell accidentally swallowed a poisoned blow dart, and when he pretended to be mute. Even the worst Naked Gun installment was way funnier.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published March 20, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: THE HOUSE BUNNY (Fred Wolf, 2008)

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Such a guilty pleasure!!

It’s even a treasure trove of my favorite quotes:

“The eyes are the nipples of the face.”

“Instead of the mahi-mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”

“Kindness is just love with its work boots on.”

“Who knew steam can be hot? I wonder what they did when Marilyn Monroe did it. They probably added soothing botanicals to the steam rising from the manhole. I like that word. Manhole.”

Seriously though, Anna Faris deserved an Oscar nomination for her terrific performance in this movie.

It was also nice to see some of my faves like Emma Stone, Kat Dennings, and Katharine McPhee here. Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at? Where my, where my, where my Zetas at? ❤️

Rating: ★★★★☆

(Originally published July 2, 2017.)

MOVIE REVIEW: 27 DRESSES (Anne Fletcher, 2008)

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Wedding planner. Cynical photographer. Exposé on the perennial bridesmaid. Crush fell for another girl. Wait, it’s definitely Got 2 Believe!!

Still, Katherine Heigl (when she used to be really likable) and James Marsden were all cute and charming together and made the most out of every possible rom-com cliché.

I couldn’t relate to Bennie and the Jets (way before my time), but that final scene with the row of 27 dresses made me tear up a bit just like a guest in an actual wedding.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

MOVIE REVIEW: THE READER (Stephen Daldry, 2008)

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“I don’t think we really need another film about the Holocaust, do we? It’s, like, how many have there been? You know, we get it, it was grim, move on. No, I’m doing it because I’ve noticed that if you do a film about the Holocaust, guaranteed an Oscar.

I’ve been nominated four times, never won. And the whole world is going, ‘Why hasn’t Winslet won one?’

That’s why I’m doing it. Schindler’s bloody List. The Pianist. Oscars coming out of their arse.”

– Extras S01E03 (“Kate Winslet”)

Rating: ★★★★☆

(Originally published September 5, 2017.)

MOVIE REVIEW: SEX AND THE CITY (Michael Patrick King, 2008)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on Sex and the City:

1. Unpopular opinion: I abso-fuckin’-lutely despised John James Preston aka Mr. Big (Chris Noth) and I never really pictured (fully accepted?) him as the ideal man slash husband for Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker). Except whenever I had these cyclical realizations that she was innately selfish, annoying (she wore a pearl necklace in bed!), and narcissistic so they totally deserved to end up with each other.

Nope, I definitely wasn’t a hater of the series. I had watched all six seasons so many times that I couldn’t help but wonder if I was actually a thirtysomething single New York woman in my past life.

2. It must be my inner Charlotte York (Kristin Davis) but I had always been a supporter of #TeamAidan (John Corbett) aka The One That (Luckily) Got Away. Some of my most favorite episodes involved his toxic relationship with an emotionally confused Carrie in Season 3 (All or Nothing, Running with Scissors, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell). Fans of Big would most probably come up with this argument that Aidan was a dreadfully boring choice and Carrie would just be settling with him, but the very fact that he was loyal, warm, forgiving, sincere, and understanding (plus, he obviously loved her more than she loved him) just made him the perfect boyfriend.

(Are there any fans here of Aleksandr Petrovsky? Seriously??)

3. Did we need a film version to continue the stories of our four beloved women, their beaus, and their friendly gay friends? Not really, but it was a joy to see them reunited one more time (and once more in the awful sequel). This felt like an overlong episode that basically rehashed the same old conflicts (oh, poor Carrie got her heart broken by Big yet again!), but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t cry when Charlotte screamed “No! No!” at Big after he deservedly got smashed with a wedding bouquet on the head.

4. Anybody obsessed with fashion would truly be happy with the style choices made here (even with the controversial dead bird that Carrie wore on her head for her wedding, which she winkingly mocked in a later scene). Aside from the Fashion Week sequence, there were even two (!!) montages: one with Carrie modelling fabulous wedding gowns by Vera Wang, Oscar dela Renta, and ultimately Vivienne Westwood, and another one where she was trying on her vintage clothes, including the iconic tutu that she wore in the show’s opening credits.

5. “She was a smart girl… till she fell in love.” Story of all my relationships right there.

6. Was Jennifer Hudson (as Louise) cast as an apology for the series’ apparent lack of diversity? Did the lone black woman in this version of New York really have to play Carrie’s assistant? Unfortunately her Bag, Borrow or Steal storyline had nothing going for it and she even had to deliver the most unfortunate pun (“And you gave me Louise Vuitton!”).

7. Speaking of puns, the entire Mexi-coma sequence where Carrie spent days moping in bed after a terrible breakup completely resonated with me (yes, even the one where Charlotte Poughkeepsied in her pants). The fact that her friends kept checking on her and Samantha (Kim Cattrall) even spoon-fed her some soup reminded me of how wonderful my friends were during those dark times that I was nursing a broken heart. It was fascinating to read all the dirt that these women didn’t really get along on set because they were so believable and authentic as BFFs onscreen.

(On a different note, search for the Saturday Night Live skit where Christina Aguilera had a spot-on impersonation of Samantha. Totally wicked!)

8. When Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) grabbed a witch’s mask and said that for Halloween she would just bring her suitcase and go as herself, it was something that I would totally say. Yes, if I were to take a Buzzfeed test, I would definitely be a Miranda Hobbes.

9. So Big copy/pasted some classic poems and wrote two personal lines and that was already supposed to be romantic? Please. (Laki talaga ng galit ko kay Big, no? Yes, very big. Ugh, pun!)

10. “Some love stories aren’t epic novels. Some are short stories, but that doesn’t make them any less filled with love.” Hay, completely true. At least it was comforting to know that your lovers might come and go, but your true friends would remain forever.

Rating: ★★★☆☆