Silver lining: Glitter isn’t the worst Mariah Carey movie.
Silver lining: Glitter isn’t the worst Mariah Carey movie.
Such a guilty pleasure!!
It’s even a treasure trove of my favorite quotes:
“The eyes are the nipples of the face.”
“Instead of the mahi-mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”
“Kindness is just love with its work boots on.”
“Who knew steam can be hot? I wonder what they did when Marilyn Monroe did it. They probably added soothing botanicals to the steam rising from the manhole. I like that word. Manhole.”
Seriously though, Anna Faris deserved an Oscar nomination for her terrific performance in this movie.
It was also nice to see some of my faves like Emma Stone, Kat Dennings, and Katharine McPhee here. Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at? Where my, where my, where my Zetas at? ❤️
(Originally published July 2, 2017.)
Does anyone know Edward’s skin care routine? Asking for a friend.
Also, why do we have to choose between Team Edward and Team Jacob when we all know they’re mas bagay together? Shoo, Bella, chupi!!
Wedding planner. Cynical photographer. Exposé on the perennial bridesmaid. Crush fell for another girl. Wait, it’s definitely Got 2 Believe!!
Still, Katherine Heigl (when she used to be really likable) and James Marsden were all cute and charming together and made the most out of every possible rom-com cliché.
I couldn’t relate to Bennie and the Jets (way before my time), but that final scene with the row of 27 dresses made me tear up a bit just like a guest in an actual wedding.
“I don’t think we really need another film about the Holocaust, do we? It’s, like, how many have there been? You know, we get it, it was grim, move on. No, I’m doing it because I’ve noticed that if you do a film about the Holocaust, guaranteed an Oscar.
I’ve been nominated four times, never won. And the whole world is going, ‘Why hasn’t Winslet won one?’
That’s why I’m doing it. Schindler’s bloody List. The Pianist. Oscars coming out of their arse.”
– Extras S01E03 (“Kate Winslet”)
(Originally published September 5, 2017.)
There is no secret ingredient. Just two hours of pure fun and awesomeness. Go Po!
(Originally published August 19, 2014.)
My notes on Sex and the City:
1. Unpopular opinion: I abso-fuckin’-lutely despised John James Preston aka Mr. Big (Chris Noth) and I never really pictured (fully accepted?) him as the ideal man slash husband for Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker). Except whenever I had these cyclical realizations that she was innately selfish, annoying (she wore a pearl necklace in bed!), and narcissistic so they totally deserved to end up with each other.
Nope, I definitely wasn’t a hater of the series. I had watched all six seasons so many times that I couldn’t help but wonder if I was actually a thirtysomething single New York woman in my past life.
2. It must be my inner Charlotte York (Kristin Davis) but I had always been a supporter of #TeamAidan (John Corbett) aka The One That (Luckily) Got Away. Some of my most favorite episodes involved his toxic relationship with an emotionally confused Carrie in Season 3 (All or Nothing, Running with Scissors, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell). Fans of Big would most probably come up with this argument that Aidan was a dreadfully boring choice and Carrie would just be settling with him, but the very fact that he was loyal, warm, forgiving, sincere, and understanding (plus, he obviously loved her more than she loved him) just made him the perfect boyfriend.
(Are there any fans here of Aleksandr Petrovsky? Seriously??)
3. Did we need a film version to continue the stories of our four beloved women, their beaus, and their friendly gay friends? Not really, but it was a joy to see them reunited one more time (and once more in the awful sequel). This felt like an overlong episode that basically rehashed the same old conflicts (oh, poor Carrie got her heart broken by Big yet again!), but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t cry when Charlotte screamed “No! No!” at Big after he deservedly got smashed with a wedding bouquet on the head.
4. Anybody obsessed with fashion would truly be happy with the style choices made here (even with the controversial dead bird that Carrie wore on her head for her wedding, which she winkingly mocked in a later scene). Aside from the Fashion Week sequence, there were even two (!!) montages: one with Carrie modelling fabulous wedding gowns by Vera Wang, Oscar dela Renta, and ultimately Vivienne Westwood, and another one where she was trying on her vintage clothes, including the iconic tutu that she wore in the show’s opening credits.
5. “She was a smart girl… till she fell in love.” Story of all my relationships right there.
6. Was Jennifer Hudson (as Louise) cast as an apology for the series’ apparent lack of diversity? Did the lone black woman in this version of New York really have to play Carrie’s assistant? Unfortunately her Bag, Borrow or Steal storyline had nothing going for it and she even had to deliver the most unfortunate pun (“And you gave me Louise Vuitton!”).
7. Speaking of puns, the entire Mexi-coma sequence where Carrie spent days moping in bed after a terrible breakup completely resonated with me (yes, even the one where Charlotte Poughkeepsied in her pants). The fact that her friends kept checking on her and Samantha (Kim Cattrall) even spoon-fed her some soup reminded me of how wonderful my friends were during those dark times that I was nursing a broken heart. It was fascinating to read all the dirt that these women didn’t really get along on set because they were so believable and authentic as BFFs onscreen.
(On a different note, search for the Saturday Night Live skit where Christina Aguilera had a spot-on impersonation of Samantha. Totally wicked!)
8. When Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) grabbed a witch’s mask and said that for Halloween she would just bring her suitcase and go as herself, it was something that I would totally say. Yes, if I were to take a Buzzfeed test, I would definitely be a Miranda Hobbes.
9. So Big copy/pasted some classic poems and wrote two personal lines and that was already supposed to be romantic? Please. (Laki talaga ng galit ko kay Big, no? Yes, very big. Ugh, pun!)
10. “Some love stories aren’t epic novels. Some are short stories, but that doesn’t make them any less filled with love.” Hay, completely true. At least it was comforting to know that your lovers might come and go, but your true friends would remain forever.
My notes on The Strangers:
1. This might sound weird but the only time that I’d be really scared of ghosts would be 1) when somebody familiar died (also why I never looked at corpses and/or coffins), or 2) after having watched a really creepy local show/film (think Magandang Gabi Bayan’s Halloween episodes). I guess that would explain my fondness for the horror genre and my strange aversion to lights (seriously, I would rather feel my way through the darkness than flip a light switch).
It might also be a result of my mother’s constant warning of “Matakot ka sa tao, huwag sa multo”, which actually made a lot of sense especially after watching all those Carlo J. Caparas massacre movies.
2. Speaking of, my definitive home invasion film would probably be the early 90’s cult classic The Vizconde Massacre: God Help Us! that started this tasteless trend of exploiting true Pinoy crime stories as popular entertainment.
I swear I was emotionally scarred for life at the sight of Lady Lee (as the young Jenny Vizconde) getting repeatedly stabbed on the back while trying to run away from her assailant that I never forgot to check the locks of our gate every night ever since.
3. I couldn’t understand why the characters in this movie didn’t act like any normal (read: paranoid) person and just made the dumbest horror movie decisions that were blatantly mocked in Wes Craven’s Scream series (“Never, ever, under any circumstances say ‘I’ll be right back’. Because you won’t be back.”)
Kristen (an atrocious Liv Tyler who kept cooing her lines) and James (Scott Foley) were so oblivious to the dangers around them that they readily opened the front door of their remote summer home when somebody knocked at 4 AM. And even with the presence of intruders inside, they chose to hide in a room instead of run as far away from there as possible.
In one scene, Kristen even broke a lamp (to fight a possible murderer with bubog, perhaps?) rather than do the most obvious thing to increase her chances of survival which was lock the freakin’ door. Sure, people would do the craziest stuff and stop being rational in a state of panic, but it was just too hard to sympathize with them when they were basically throwing themselves at their killers.
4. I think it was a smart choice that they never really showed the faces of the killers. This made their motives vague as well and created a more haunting atmosphere (“Why are you doing this to us?” “Because you were home.”)
5. There was one chilling scene where a masked person stood silently behind Kristen and I really thought that this would hold throughout the entire film. A horror movie that didn’t rely on banging noises and cheap jump scares would have been terrific. Unfortunately, even with a slim 90 minutes runtime, it lost steam halfway through and decided to utilize the same tropes of the genre (the entire thing even ended with a scream from a supposedly dead person, pfft!).
Also, I just realized that the chilling scene that I described earlier was the exact same one that could be seen on the poster. Now you really wouldn’t have a reason to see this anymore, no?
6. Robin Williams as an obsessed stranger slash trespasser using another family’s toilet in One Hour Photo was way more disturbing than this. Watch that one instead.
Do you still remember the last time that a Jim Carrey movie actually made you laugh out loud? This movie definitely didn’t do the trick. Although he tried his best to contort his face and do an even more manic version of his usual characters, this was nothing more than Liar Liar Redux. And incredibly less funny.
There was an inspired bit involving Carrey singing Third Eye Blind’s Jumper to a man on the ledge but everything else was just ho-hum. Even the adorkable Zooey Deschanel looked depressed to be in this movie.
I’d gladly settle for another Ace Ventura sequel.