MOVIE REVIEW: PROMETHEUS (Ridley Scott, 2012)

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It’s not a good week for Charlize Theron. She now owed me good money for that Snow White retelling and this Aliens prequel.

My biggest problem with this movie was that it tried too hard to be profound, but it indulged in the usual summer blockbuster action flick money shots. Other than the amazing visual effects (especially the luscious views and that stomach-churning surgery), everything else felt like a clunker. The movie got lost in all its religious themes and ended up ignoring all the questions.

In the end, it was nothing more than a plodding popcorn movie. Except that you wouldn’t want to eat popcorn while watching.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 14, 2012.)

MOVIE REVIEW: SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN (Rupert Sanders, 2012)

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Somebody please wake up Kristen Stewart! She’s giving the same expressionless acting in every movie that it’s a mystery why two guys always fight for her love.

The mirror was obviously lying every time it declared Stewart as fairer over the (over-the-top) Charlize Theron. Several scenes reminded me of The Lord of the Rings and Twilight, two series that I wasn’t too fond of.

Overall, the movie was beautifully shot, but was overlong and uninteresting at times. Ironically superficial, just like the other Snow White retelling (Mirror Mirror).

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 6, 2012.)

MOVIE REVIEW: AMERICAN REUNION (Jon Hurwitz, Hayden Schlossberg, 2012)

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Seann William Scott would always be Stifler to me. I was happy to see him back hornier and more immature than ever in this fourth installment. Fans of the original would definitely wax nostalgic especially since the entire gang (even those in completely minor roles) was all here. My favorites remained to be Jim’s dad and Stifler’s mom. Eugene Levy and Jennifer Coolidge deserved their own spin-offs.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Originally published June 3, 2012.)

MOVIE REVIEW: PIRANHA 3DD (John Gulager, 2012)

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I wonder why filmmakers and distributors allow their movies to be butchered just to get a more audience-friendly rating. Do we expect a movie with a title referencing breast cup sizes to be anything but R-18?

Since the final version got skewered for an R-13 rating, the movie ended up with just an hour runtime with obvious cuts every five to ten minutes. What’s left was just pure trash with possible jokes getting cut off since they were inappropriate for younger audiences.

By the way, this flick starred David Hasselhoff and his man boobs. Oh the horror!

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published June 3, 2012.)

MOVIE REVIEW: MEN IN BLACK 3 (Barry Sonnenfeld, 2012)

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I’ve always thought that nobody could outshine Will Smith in any of his movies. Josh Brolin proved me wrong with his completely nuanced portrayal of a younger Tommy Lee Jones. He stole all of the scenes that he was in and generated most of the laughs in this same old-same old but still enjoyable popcorn flick. I wouldn’t mind another sequel.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Originally published May 31, 2012.)

MOVIE REVIEW: THE RAVEN (James McTeigue, 2012)

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Whatever happened to John Cusack?

In this slow-moving and dreary movie, he played the famous author and poet Edgar Allan Poe, who in turn played a detective role similar to Sherlock Holmes. Sadly, Cusack lost all control of his emotions and gave his worst performance straight out of Nicolas Cage’s School of (Over)Acting.

The tedious story further pulled him down until viewers realized that they has been duped into seeing a pretentious thriller not too different from the Saw movies.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published May 31, 2012.)

MOVIE REVIEW: WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING (Kirk Jones, 2012)

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It could have been called Labor Day. Similar to Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve, this was another all-star cast of likable actors stuck in pure crap.

What would you expect from a movie based on a non-fiction book dispensing advice and tips about pregnancy anyway? The only common thing about the source material and this adaptation was that they have pregnant moms.

Otherwise, it was two hours of clichés that might even scare the target demo. It was just so bad that it wasn’t even funny.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published May 24, 2012.)