MOVIE REVIEW: INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER 3 (Leigh Whannell, 2015)

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The best horror movies are those that know how to create dread just on pure atmosphere and not heavily-reliant on cheap jump scares.

When characters don’t turn on the lights when they inspect an abandoned room, or shout “Show yourself!” then run screaming when it happens, or peer over a broken window when one’s already wearing a neck brace, or peek under the bed for no reason, it’s not horror, it’s stupidity.

Suspense scenes shouldn’t be set up where the audience anticipates the scares and are programmed to scream. The people are much smarter than that.

Let this be the last and final chapter, please.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 8, 2015.)

MOVIE REVIEW: TOMORROWLAND (Brad Bird, 2015)

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Tomorrowland felt like an extremely long ad for Disneyland. It might have worked better as a Pixar movie (and 30 minutes shorter).

Sure it looked beautiful but what was that all about? The only time I had fun was when Hugh Laurie’s legs got smashed (a wink at House perhaps?).

Kids and adults will agree that this is just one big snoozefest. And I’m already being positive about it.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 2, 2015.)

 

MOVIE REVIEW: SAN ANDREAS (Brad Peyton, 2015)

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San Andreas was awful, cribbing from better disaster flicks like Deep Impact and Titanic. Worse, I didn’t care much about the characters.

When people are dying around you and you still have time for landian, don’t expect me to wish for your survival.

As a 3D/4DX ride though, it was (oddly) fun to watch. I was screaming my lungs out and clutching on to my seat for dear life.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 1, 2015.)

MOVIE REVIEW: AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON (Joss Whedon, 2015)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on Avengers: Age of Ultron:

1. The biggest problem with an ensemble cast of big stars (both the actors and the characters they play) is that it’s hard to give everyone equal screen time. In an attempt to pacify fans (and any bloated actor’s ego), Josh Whedon decided to pepper the screenplay with supposedly witty/funny one-liners for each character as highlights, most of them flopping with a resounding thud.

2. Sure, superhero movies should have the right dose of humor (worked for Iron Man, right?) but with or without, this one was still one big bore. We got the occasional big fight scenes to wake up the senses but there were still too many lull moments in between.

3. Obviously I’m not a huge Marvel fan (strike huge) but I’m wondering if the fanboys still liked this sequel.

4. Was Aaron Taylor-Johnson playing the same Quicksilver that was played by Evan Peters in X-Men: Days of Future Past? Why was Johnson’s version zapped of all personality?

5. When Thor hit the ground with his mighty hammer, why was everyone affected except for Captain America? Was this the reason why he felt uneasy when it was the latter’s turn to test if he could lift the said weapon?

6. Hulk had shades of Shrek in this sequel. And why don’t his pants fall off when he turns into a human again? (I know I keep asking this question but it’s not an excuse to see Ruffalo’s butt. I swear.)

7. I wished they utilized the Predator creature more. Actually, I wished that there would be a crossover movie with the Avengers vs Predator.

8. I was happy to see Hulk listening to some opera to soothe his emotions. I’ll probably try that at work next time.

9. The whole Ultron travelling in cyberspace thing gave me that Lucy/Transcendence nausea.

10. Does Stan Lee play a different character in every movie? Will we ever see all of his characters in another sequel?

11. Wait, how did Quicksilver die if he was faster than the bullets?

12. Apparently, merong forever. It’s trouble, according to Nick Fury.

13. Is this the last Avengers movie with Iron Man? Why would the most interesting character leave? The new batch doesn’t even seem likable.

14. Why do people leave as soon as the credits roll knowing that there’s always a within/post-credit sequence in every Marvel movie? And then they start blocking the view of everyone else that patiently waited for the said scene.

15. I’m so happy I watched this movie for free. Get your SM ePlus cards now!!

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published May 4, 2015.)