MOVIE REVIEW: THE STAR (Timothy Reckart, 2017)

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A surprisingly decent retelling of the Nativity story that could very well have been an extended episode of Superbook. It had some fine voice performances from the hilarious Aidy Bryant as Ruth the sheep and Gina Rodriguez as Mary (as in the Virgin, wink, wink).

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Originally published June 20, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: TULIP FEVER (Justin Chadwick, 2017)

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What a hot mess! Like a Kapamilya Gold teleserye that adapted the campiest work of Shakespeare.

The tulip was actually a metaphor for Alicia Vikander’s vajayjay and the fever referred to her burning loins. It was so silly that it just might be a future cult classic.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 12, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: YOU WERE NEVER REALLY HERE (Lynne Ramsay, 2017)

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If I were ever shot and close to dying, I’d definitely not be singing Charlene’s I’ve Never Been to Me. I would most probably choke on my own blood from laughing so hard by the time I reach that cooing spoken word part (“Hey, you know what paradise is? It’s a lie…”). Nyahahaha!!

Rating: ★★★★☆

(Originally published June 9, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: WONDERSTRUCK (Todd Haynes, 2017)

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Was I supposed to cry?

Anyway, I used to be fond of making these dioramas back in grade school. I felt like a genius when I came up with this scroll-like apparatus that could mimic a TV screen (so that one could read the story behind these models).

And then I found out that everyone else had the same idea but theirs were even better (the manila papers they used were soaked in coffee overnight, plus burnt on the edges to achieve that classic sepia look).

Yes, I learned early in life that there would always be someone much better (or dorkier) than yourself.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 9, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: WONDER WOMAN (Patty Jenkins, 2017)

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Gal Gadot wasn’t a particularly good actress, but very much like Priyanka Chopra or even Kristine Hermosa, she was just too damn gorgeous and charismatic that it was hard not to fall for her.

Cover Girl should come up with a Diana Prince line of make-up that can keep one’s face soot- and dirt-free for 24 hours regardless of any situation (kahit putukan ka pa sa mukha).

I was doubtful that Chris Pine was above average as he claimed if he could cover himself up with just one hand.

The movie itself was oftentimes cheesy in the “love is all we really need” mold, but it was surprisingly entertaining (those action scenes were so good) and sometimes, just like love, that was all that really mattered, right?

Rating: ★★★★☆

(Originally published June 4, 2017.)