MOVIE REVIEW: THE STAR (Timothy Reckart, 2017)

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A surprisingly decent retelling of the Nativity story that could very well have been an extended episode of Superbook. It had some fine voice performances from the hilarious Aidy Bryant as Ruth the sheep and Gina Rodriguez as Mary (as in the Virgin, wink, wink).

Rating: β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜†β˜†

(Originally published June 20, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: TULIP FEVER (Justin Chadwick, 2017)

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What a hot mess! Like a Kapamilya Gold teleserye that adapted the campiest work of Shakespeare.

The tulip was actually a metaphor for Alicia Vikander’s vajayjay and the fever referred to her burning loins. It was so silly that it just might be a future cult classic.

Rating: β˜…β˜…β˜†β˜†β˜†

(Originally published June 12, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: WIND RIVER (Taylor Sheridan, 2017)

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I’m not averse to the trope, but I still found it odd that the White Saviour was actually dressed in an all-white ensemble.

The chills picked up during its last thirty or so minutes beginning with a superb and incredibly tense Mexican standoff.

Rating: β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜†β˜†

(Originally published June 10, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: YOU WERE NEVER REALLY HERE (Lynne Ramsay, 2017)

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If I were ever shot and close to dying, I’d definitely not be singing Charlene’s I’ve Never Been to Me. I would most probably choke on my own blood from laughing so hard by the time I reach that cooing spoken word part (β€œHey, you know what paradise is? It’s a lie…”). Nyahahaha!!

Rating: β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜†

(Originally published June 9, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: WONDERSTRUCK (Todd Haynes, 2017)

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Was I supposed to cry?

Anyway, I used to be fond of making these dioramas back in grade school. I felt like a genius when I came up with this scroll-like apparatus that could mimic a TV screen (so that one could read the story behind these models).

And then I found out that everyone else had the same idea but theirs were even better (the manila papers they used were soaked in coffee overnight, plus burnt on the edges to achieve that classic sepia look).

Yes, I learned early in life that there would always be someone much better (or dorkier) than yourself.

Rating: β˜…β˜…β˜†β˜†β˜†

(Originally published June 9, 2018.)