AMOROSA: THE REVENGE (Topel Lee, 2012)

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Bad, bad movie.

I pity Angel Aquino for subjecting herself to such an awful screenplay. I just hope she got a big paycheck for this.

The movie had one too many plot twists to distract you from the lack of a strong plot. It basically starred a ghost that seemed to pop up for no reason other than to scare the lead (by the end, you’d be questioning why she was doing that in the first place).

The Sophie’s Choice bit was idiotic and characters just kept making stupid decisions. One even developed amnesia after getting stabbed in the stomach.

I spent most of the time laughing instead.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published September 9, 2012.)

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I DO BIDOO BIDOO (Chris Martinez, 2012)

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This was a fine enough movie that worked mostly because the Apo Hiking Society’s songs were magical to begin with.

My favorite one used here was Panalangin and I kept humming it all the way home. The best bit though was the hilarious Di Na Natuto with the brilliant Eugene Domingo proving once again that she’s the best actress in local showbiz right now.

It was hard not to like, but it was also hard not to notice the flaws. Several scenes were out of focus and badly-lit. The Blue Jeans sequence came out of nowhere and felt unnecessary. Overall, it was an enjoyable musical worth a watch.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Originally published September 9, 2012.)

GUNI-GUNI (Tara Illenberger, 2012)

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My biggest problem was that you could easily guess the twist within the first 10 minutes. It wasn’t even a good twist to begin with so they had to pile several sub-plots that served as red herrings.

The movie didn’t offer anything new and hewed closely to the typical Asian horror genre (I did not see the Thai film “Alone” so I wasn’t sure if they copied parts or all of that one). This was the kind of movie where a girl with long hair covering her face and wearing a white gown would suddenly drop to the floor and crawl spider-like to her victim. The only reasonable explanation was that she idolized Sadako.

Completely lame and not-at-all scary.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published September 3, 2012.)

THE REUNION (Frasco Mortiz, 2012)

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I couldn’t believe the lines in this movie. The screenplay was just horrible. I cringed every time one of the leads said something supposedly mind-blowing about love. It was even worse whenever Xian Lim delivered those lines.

The audience lapped up the lame jokes and gags in the same way that they enjoyed watching Moron 5 and the Crying Lady. I was left clueless.

Not even the competent performances of Jessy Mendiola and Matt Evans could save this one from the crapper.

As a big Eraserheads fan, I was completely offended.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published September 3, 2012.)

JUST ONE SUMMER (Mac Alejandre, 2012)

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This movie was pure torture to sit through, especially since it made a lot of our talented local actors come out hysterical and hammy (Joel Torre with eyes popping out of their sockets, Cherry Pie Picache acting subdued and lazy, Alice Dixson sounding shrill, and a worthless supporting turn from Ms. Gloria Romero).

I tried to think of something nice to say but with the poor direction and terrible performances, I just couldn’t.

Elmo Magalona delivered his lines like he was in a declamation contest (in time for Buwan ng Wika). Oh, and there was a “gulong-gulong down the burol” scene that will probably end up as the most cringeworthy moment in Pinoy cinema this year.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published August 24, 2012.)

THE HEALING (Chito Roño, 2012)

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It didn’t aim high so it succeeded on its only goal: scaring the crap out of its audience. I’ve never heard this much shouting since Sukob and I’ve never heard this much clapping in a crucial scene since Cinemalaya. This is probably the first bad movie that I’m recommending to watch. It had an awful story but it was also filled with great scare scenes. Best viewed in a packed theater. Good fun!!

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Originally published August 1, 2012.)

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