MOVIE REVIEW: ANG PANAHON NG HALIMAW (Lav Diaz, 2018)

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Timely and relevant, but the awkward and repetitive chanting just wasn’t my cup of (talampunay) tea.

(Side note: Napanganga talaga ako when Piolo said the line “Ano kaya ang lasa ng pwet na hinihimod ng iyong dila?” huhuhu.)

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published May 30, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: THE ETERNITY BETWEEN SECONDS (Alec Figuracion, 2018)

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If I were ever stuck in a foreign airport and a complete stranger began telling me his fondest memories of tadpoles swimming in a puddle, I would politely smile, run away as far as possible, head over to the nearest Starbucks, and drown myself in caffeine.

“Phony sentimentality and unfounded nostalgia”? Their words, not mine.

The awkward and empty conversations probably would have worked with a much better actress. Sadly, Yeng Constantino having a meltdown in a public toilet just reminded me of that Jake Zyrus meme where he was crying over a stolen Mio.

My soul is on a direct flight to hell, I know.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published May 15, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: MATA TAPANG (Rod Marmol, 2018)

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Even with the numerous times that I silently cringed in my seat, it was just hard to completely dislike a movie that proudly wore its fragile heart on its camouflaged sleeve.

I wish the sluggish pacing was able to keep up with the Heart and Souls-ish brotherhood premise, especially since it had a competent cast to back it up.

Speaking of, who would have thought that Arron Villaflor could match Erich Gonzales as the most sensitive thespian to come out of Star Circle Quest Batch 2? Consider me a fan now.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published May 15, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: DELIA & SAMMY (Therese Cayaba, 2018)

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The line “Ang hirap mo mahalin pero ang hirap din iwanan ka” couldn’t have been more apt for the detestable title characters. This story of crotchety old people (a delusional washed up actress and her philandering Alzheimer’s-stricken husband) in a broken down Mercedes Benz on a road trip to hell (er, Baguio) made me laugh out loud in between bouts of crying.

Rosemarie Gil, Jaime Fabregas, and Nico Antonio were all brilliant in their respective roles. Walang tapon sa cast. I also loved Anthony Falcon whose trans character here was such a huge contrast from his macho psycho role in Hypothalamus. Magaling!

Rating: ★★★★☆

(Originally published May 13, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: GUSTO KITA WITH ALL MY HYPOTHALAMUS (Dwein Baltazar, 2018)

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Definitely lived up to its title. It had me wondering why there were so many lonely men (and women?) in Quiapo.

Iana Bernardez, with her celestial Angel Aquino-esque beauty, was just the perfect Malena of Manila. Great cast of men, too. My fave was mopey-faced Nicco Manalo who reminded me so much of the pain of unrequited love.

Also, best use of Ted Ito’s Ikaw Pa Rin (aka Saigo No Iiwaki) since The Big Short.

Rating: ★★★★☆

(Originally published May 10, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: SQUAD GOALS: #FBOIS (Mark Meily, 2018)

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Naalala ko nung high school, meron kaming isang teacher na ginamit ang buong oras ng class niya para magkwento ng kanyang almoranas.

Kulang daw sa fiber ang katawan niya kasi mapili siya sa pagkain kaya sobra ang kanyang pagsisisi nung nagpa-surgery siya para matanggal yung dumudugo niyang hemorrhoids.

Super detailed ng story niya na ultimo pagtuwad niya nung procedure pati ang pakiramdam na parang hinihiwa ng blade ang butas ng pwet niya nung first poo-poo niya after the operation ay isinama niya.

Na-traumatize ako dahil dun. Feeling ko lumamon ako ng isang kilong carrots pagkauwi sa bahay. Hindi ko talaga yun makakalimutan. Happy ako na at least nalaman ko ang value ng proper diet at pagkain ng gulay dahil sa kanya.

Wala na akong ibang maalala na natutunan sa klase niya. May kasungitan din kasi yun at laging naninindak ng mga students. Hmm, hindi kaya yun ang reason kung bakit nagngangalit din ang mga almoranas niya?

Anyway, wala yan konek at all sa movie. Gusto ko lang mag-share ng life experience bilang wala naman kwenta ang pelikulang ito.

Eat your veggies, guysh!!

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

MOVIE REVIEW: MY PERFECT YOU (Cathy Garcia-Molina, 2018)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

I’m being incredibly generous already considering that I hated the first two-thirds of this movie and even considered walking out because the rom-com part was just too painful to watch.

It somewhat recovered in its final act touching on an interesting subject matter (still iffy on the romanticization of a mental health disorder), but I still had this feeling that Star Cinema wanted to duplicate the success (and formula) of Kita Kita.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published March 14, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: SILLY RED SHOES (James Mayo, 2019)

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Huy bakit ang lakas magpakilig ng KyCine? Sobrang cute nila together at plus point pa na marunong sila pareho umarte. Nadagdagan na naman ang mga paborito kong love teams. Given the right break, sure ako todo sikat ang dalawang batang ‘to.

Nagustuhan ko yung pagkahabi ng fantasy element dun sa main daddy issues storyline. Feeling ko nga with a few tweaks ay maganda siya na full-length feature. (Or siguro it was easier for me to overlook the flaws din kasi free sa iWant?) Still, na-enjoy ko talaga siya.

Ang galing pa ng supporting cast with Herbert Bautista (potential comeback soon?), the always dependable Anna Luna, and the biggest surprise here Karen Reyes (ghorl mahusay ka pala sa iyakan?).

Ganda nung confrontation scene with all five characters in the frame. At yung signature (?) lakad-lakad sequence ng director na nagpaalala sa ‘kin nung impressive breaking the fourth wall scene sa Kuya Wes.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

MOVIE REVIEW: ASUANG (Raynier Brizuela, 2018)

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Mas marami siyang nasabi tungkol sa social media generation kesa sa I’m Ellenya L. Although may ilang mga silly/funny moments, hindi nag-work for me yung fusion ng mockumentary style sa local mythology.

Very admirable ng commitment ni Alwyn Uytingco sa lead. Sana masundan pa ito ng ibang juicy roles for him. And syempre, magaling si Chai Fonacier in everything she does. I’m surprised wala pa siyang shrine sa bahay ko.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆