UNOFFICIALLY YOURS (Cathy Garcia-Molina, 2012)

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From the opening sequence that involved a forgettable “laman vs. sabaw” discussion down to the clichéd dialogue we’ve heard in previous movies, you know this one’s hobbled by a weak screenplay.

Trust a gifted director like Cathy Garcia-Molina to create magic out of something formulaic. There was even a brilliant sex sequence guaranteed to elicit laughter for minutes. I didn’t completely buy the chemistry of the leads but they did really good work individually.

John Lloyd Cruz continued to show why he’s the best actor of this generation. He was charming without ever being cloying and he actually helped elevate Angel Locsin’s performance (probably her best work to date).

Overall, this latest romantic-comedy from Star Cinema didn’t really break new ground but damn it, it made me kilig the whole time.

Rating: ★★★★☆

(Originally published February 17, 2012.)

THE THIRD PARTY (Jason Paul Laxamana, 2016)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on The Third Party:

1. In the latest teaser of Bakit Lahat ng Gwapo May Boyfriend?, the character of Anne Curtis provided a helpful checklist to determine if a guy was check na check na check. She must have missed sending this memo to the hospital where Max (Sam Milby) and Christian (Zanjoe Marudo) worked because everyone there was oblivious to the fact that these two smart, attractive (matte makeup on fleek!), clean-looking, dapper, perfectly-coiffed doctors were actually gay. I would love to be in that non-judgmental hospital where not one of the staff secretly wondered why these bachelors didn’t have wives or girlfriends and just swooned whenever the couple would rendezvous in the lobby.

I was almost certain Christian was the type that would play The Emancipation of Mimi in full blast in his office, but I guess nobody would still get a clue.

2. When the teaser for this one came out, some people quickly dismissed it as a rip-off of Pusong Mamon (that campy 90’s Joel Lamangan comedy with Lorna Tolentino, Albert Martinez, and Eric Quizon). I initially thought that it wasn’t anywhere near that flick since it didn’t even hint at a pregnant Andi (Angel Locsin).

Well, I was obviously wrong because it was indeed an updated version of that movie. Even with a few tweaks made (the biggest one being that the father of Andi’s baby was neither of the two), it was still the same surrogate mother cohabiting with the gay couple story. Weirdly enough, it focused less on the interactions between the three and more on Andi’s life story. Seriously, how many more times would we see Angel face these mother abandonment issues?

3. Didn’t we learn anything from the convoluted multi-subplots in Barcelona? Aside from Andi’s mother issues, we also had to deal with Max coming out to his homophobic father (but this being a Star Cinema movie, you already know how this would end) and perennial BFF Beauty Gonzalez prepping for her wedding. Her minor character even had a lengthy wedding scene where her vows were meant to serve as a reminder (or wake-up call?) to Andi’s character. Huh?

4. I couldn’t get over the fact that Max chose to come out to his ex-girlfriend in a noisy club. Shouldn’t this be treated as a sensitive matter that merited a heart-to-heart conversation over Starbucks frappucinos? Or at the very least McSpicy with Shake Shake fries?

In another scene, the gay couple decided to have a serious talk on the status of their relationship in an art gallery. Why?? So that the wall between them could serve as a metaphor for their crumbling relationship? Or so that Max could contemplate next to a wooden pregnant art piece? Insert eye roll here.

5. Zanjoe was really good here as the controlling second party. Ibang atake from his previous gay roles. His best gay performance to date though was in 24/7 In Love. Skip the other stories and watch his episode with Bea Alonzo. Completely heartbreaking.

On the other hand, Sam’s performance left a lot to be desired. I was actually happy that his character opened up this discussion on gender fluidity, but he just lacked the depth required for the role. He also still needed to work on his accent because he already had that slight twang even before his character flew to San Diego. At least his abs had a highlight of their own again. Plus, he had a scene where he gleefully ate a hotdog. Wala lang.

6. Oh, and I never believed for a second that Zanjoe and Sam were a couple. I could still feel the ilang factor and they lacked the warmth and sweetness to each other. Even the kiss simply felt mechanical. I suddenly had the urge to rewatch In My Life.

7. I laughed a little when Angel mentioned that she wanted to work in Australia. So Love Me Again (Land Down Under) didn’t give her enough nightmares? Also, another Darna reference. Will we get this in every Star Cinema movie until the 2017 film comes out?

8. Ultrasound scene. Street food chatter. Videoke scene. Same old, same old.

9. Andi to the couple: “Kung kayo ba merong double deck, saan kayo pwesto?” Sadly, that was never answered. (Or was Sam’s hotdog-eating scene the answer? Hmm.)

10. I recently mentioned the guilty pleasures of Nympha (“Ikaw lang ang lalaking kumakain ng apoy na matagal uminit!”) so I was happy to see Alma Moreno playing the aunt of Andi here. I wish she was given more to do than just make a piggy bank out of her ample cleavage, though. Not even a Loveliness-level campaign-worthy dance number? Sigh.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

EVERYTHING ABOUT HER (Joyce Bernal, 2016)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on Everything About Her:

1. From the opening scene alone, the movie clearly established that this was The Devil Wears Louboutins with THE Vilma Santos playing a bitchy career-driven boss from hell (or as one character called her “Impakta ang potah”). She wore fabulous outfits (her gorgeous red ensemble screamed Ate Vi during her Eskinol days, “You too can be an Eskinol girl like me!”), had her own set of Emily and Nigel, and even a variation of the “That’s all” catchphrase (“Ang bagaaaaal!!”).

2. In this movie though, Miranda Priestly had multiple myeloma and instead of getting an executive assistant, she needed a personal nurse (Angel Locsin). It reminded me so much of the superior M. Mother’s Maiden Name (with the wonderful Zsa Zsa Padilla).

3. The first half of the movie was a delight with director Joyce Bernal deftly handling the comedic scenes and the two leads displaying great comic timing. Ate Vi’s character was named Vivian Rabaya and I actually thought they would start calling her Ate Viv. Angel, on the other hand, was named Jaica Domingo (“She calls me tonta for short”). Whether it was Ate Vi throwing insults left and right or Angel dangling from the side of a cab, there were moments of pure joy that really made me laugh out loud.

My favorite throwaway joke:

Ate Vi: “Kumain ka na?”
Angel: “Opo.”
Ate Vi: “Mukha nga.”

4. When Xian Lim’s character was introduced, I slowly started to lose interest not only because Xian lacked the acting chops (his tears were falling but his eyes remained dead) to go toe-to-toe with these amazing actresses, but also because the movie forced an unnecessary love story (which we all know would have the requisite Star Cinema happy ending).

I remembered how good Luis Manzano was in In My Life. He should have been cast here instead.

5. Where could I buy a similar low-hanging chandelier? Yes, I’m gonna swing from it. Waley.

6. Wala talagang kupas si Ate Vi. When her character learned that she had cancer, she held back her tears pretending to be strong and smiled while saying “Cancer lang ‘to.” In another scene, you could actually feel her longing to embrace her son and the bittersweet feeling when he finally did while she was in severe pain. That bathroom scene was reminiscent of her performance in The Dolzura Cortez Story.

7. Speaking of her filmography, I loved the (unintentional?) homage to Pahiram ng Isang Umaga. The lines she said while wishing for more time were really powerful (“Baka kelangan ko ng cancer, kelangan ko ng deadline. Pero sana wag masyadong mabilis, kelangan ko pa ng konting panahon. Konti lang.”) And that quiet scene where Vangie Labalan placed a blanket on her shoulder really broke my heart.

8. Jaica’s a smart nurse. How could she not know that an original Birkin or Balenciaga should never be utilized for anything vomit-related?

9. Did they use the same vacant lot where Popoy and Basha were supposed to build their dream house? Ooh, this would really drive Popoy to alcoholism.

10. In one scene, Angel made a Darna reference that was so meta it made my head hurt. So let’s see, Ate Vi played Darna and she was previously married to Edu Manzano who played Captain Barbell. They had Luis Manzano who played Flash Bomba and he’s currently together (are they still?) with Angel Locsin, another Darna. Talk about a family of superheroes. #mindblown

Rating: ★★★☆☆