MOVIE REVIEW: THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY (Ben Stiller, 2013)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on The Secret Life of Walter Mitty:

1. It was so scary how much I could relate to this movie. It was like watching my life unfold onscreen.

2. “My life is one big daydream”. I couldn’t stop the tears. Why was I even crying?

3. And then I was laughing like a madman with that Benjamin Button bit.

4. These places looked gorgeous. I just added Greenland, Iceland, and the Himalayas on my bucket list.

5. Ben Stiller and Kristen Wiig were just too good. One could sense their characters’ sadness behind those smiles.

6. Loved, loved, loved the soundtrack!!

7. I just kept smiling through all tears.

Rating: ★★★★☆

(Originally published January 25, 2014.)

MOVIE REVIEW: NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: SECRET OF THE TOMB (Shawn Levy, 2014)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb:

1. Let me get this one out of the way: I watched it in a theater full of kids and they actually enjoyed it. I guess I was too old for monkey pee jokes.

2. The glorious cast included Ben Stiller, the late Robin Williams, Ben Kingsley, Owen Wilson, Rebel Wilson, Steve Coogan, and Ricky Gervais, among others and yet they didn’t bring much to the movie. Each one of them could be in a one-man comedy show and bring the house down but here as a group, they were just good for a very few chuckles.

3. The said chuckles came from a reference to a Counting Crows singer and a throwaway punchline about wax and polyurethane.

4. As I said earlier, this was a family film so if your idea of fun was a Neanderthal using a defibrillator on himself, then go ahead and enjoy.

5. Rebel Wilson was Rebel Wilson was Rebel Wilson.

6. Why were the jokes too repetitive? How many more times did they have to milk the Huge Ackman joke?

7. Robin Williams’ final scenes in the movie did make me tear up a bit. He bid farewell and asked Ben (and the audience) to smile. This would be perfect for the Oscars’ In Memoriam segment. We will miss you, Mister.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published January 13, 2015.)

MOVIE REVIEW: ZOOLANDER 2 (Ben Stiller, 2016)

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My notes on Zoolander 2:

1. The original Zoolander was a clever comedy that tried to stretch its Blue Steel joke for an hour and succeeded. It was a brutal satire on the fashion industry that was really meant to be dumb and offensive.

This sequel was the movie equivalent of reheated leftover pizza. It was the exact same pizza with the exact same toppings, only not as good compared to when it was freshly-delivered. No amount of extra hot sauce cameos could make it any less stale.

2. Why do a lot of people still hate Justin Bieber? I always tried to separate his private life from his music so I ended up getting really addicted with his newest album Purpose (I listened to it once or twice a day, and by once or twice I meant maybe a couple of hundred times). People actually cheered when he got killed with a million bullets during the opening sequence and I didn’t find it funny. I mean seriously, that scene wasn’t even remotely funny (just like the remaining hour and thirty minutes of the movie). And where were his bodyguards anyway? Didn’t they usually end up on TMZ for treating him like a baby?

3. Sample juvenile joke:

“Jack Ryan and Jack Reacher. Tonight will be a total jack-off!”

The two horny teens in front of me laughed their asses off.

4. Aside from the Bieber cameo, there were tons of celebrities (Susan Sarandon, Billy Zane, Katy Perry, Ariana Grande, Sting, Susan Boyle, John Malkovich) and fashion luminaries (Alexander Wang, Naomi Campbell, Kate Moss) that also showed up, proving that Ben Stiller was still an A-list star after the disastrous Night at the Museum sequel (hey, maybe he should avoid these sequels, especially a possible The Watch 2 ugh!). I may never be able to look at Kiefer Sutherland and think Jack Bauer ever again, except with a pet goat and a sumo wrestler.

The best cameo, though, was by Benedict Cumberbatch who played the androgynous supermodel All whose mantra “All is All” was directly lifted from the original Queen of Philippine Music Anna Dizon is Anna Dizon.

5. The movie was at its best taking potshots at the fashion industry and calling Anna Wintour the White Witch of Narnia, shaming Tommy Hilfiger as White Privilege, and mocking Marc by Marc Jacobs. Was it completely mean? Yes, but still hilarious (besides, these personalities were all game).

6. In one scene, Valentina (played by the eternally gorgeous Penelope Cruz) said, “Please accept my apologies”, and Zoolander replied with, “None taken”. It was the type of senseless humor that we should have gotten more of here. Anyway, apology accepted and no offense taken, but no more Zoolander 3, please!

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

MOVIE REVIEW: LITTLE FOCKERS (Paul Weitz, 2010)

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This movie was just downright embarrassing. An all-star cast of funny men and women with nary a genuine laugh-out-loud moment? They were obviously just milking the cow (or cat) and I hope Robert De Niro was paid well enough for him not to do another disaster of this kind. The movie was filled with infantile poop and barf jokes that the audience would rightfully feel nauseated.

Definitely one of the worst of 2010.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆