MOVIE REVIEW: SO IT’S YOU (Jun Lana, 2014)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on So It’s You:

1. Was this movie shot in high-definition? The camera was so unforgiving to JC de Vera.

2. Since when was Fernbrook located in Ayala Alabang Village?

3. I think the lead character’s family was supposed to be nouveau riche with their gaudy clothes and furniture. One family’s expensive was another man’s tacky.

4. I wasn’t sure how Carla Abellana’s character ended up as product specialist (or as the character said, “med rep”). Shouldn’t she be running her family’s business and leave all the hard work to us middle class people? Besides, with those excessive accessories, bejeweled iPad, and leopard print clothes, who’d even take her seriously?

5. The movie tried too hard to be current with all of its technological and social media references. It was the first time for me to hear the phrase “Peksman walang delete” and it made me love the icky “Boom panes” more. (Although I think one character mentioned, “May nagtweet sa IG” and I wasn’t even sure how that worked.)

6. The family’s shoe business reminded me of my favorite sapatero, Ms. Laida Magtalas, of course.

7. How could a supposedly rich girl who loved branded items and drove a car covered with the Louis Vuitton logo not even know Manolo Blahnik? It was a good thing she was schooled by her gay BFF (of course!).

8. Kevin Santos and Paolo Ballesteros were the reasons to watch this mess. The former especially was so into his character that I wished he just had a movie of his own. Amparo Munoz would be proud of him.

9. Warning: Don’t use your cellphone while driving. Especially if it’s chunky and as big as a tablet. Wait, maybe it was an actual tablet.

10. I could do a mean impression of Tom Rodriguez. Seriously. With this and Bekimon, I think I’ve mastered his expressions.

11. To be fair, I really liked the scene where Carla imagined how her dream wedding would have been. It was funny but heartbreaking. Now if only the movie had more of that and less of the Instagram selfies.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published May 11, 2014.)

MOVIE REVIEW: THIRD EYE (Aloy Adlawan, 2014)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on Third Eye:

1. Where did Regal Films get these extras? The acting in the first five minutes was just horrendous! I hope that wasn’t the only scary thing here.

2. You know that somebody else dubbed for Ejay Falcon since he spoke fluent English.

3. The lead character with the third eye played an opthalmologist. With a cheap painted office signage.

4. Girl, you actually wore a lacy frock paired with a gypsy skirt. Don’t act surprised that your husband left you!!

5. Palmolive should give Carla Abellana a bonus. She was haggard from all the running, but her hair maintained that perfectly bagsak look.

6. It was broad daylight. Wasn’t it too early for the aswangs to be wearing Mena cream?

7. Carla decided to fight back and returned to the aswang village carrying a… golf club!! I hope that was a 9-iron.

8. The aswangs had proper dining etiquette. They placed the laman-loob first in a bowl before making papak. Emily Post would be proud.

9. An entire village had to use a battering ram to break open a puny wooden door. Even if the house had a lot of open windows. LOL!

10. Poor Alex Medina. He was so good in Babagwa and he was just wasted in this crapfest.

11. Wait, if this was an aswang movie, why was it called Third Eye?!

12. Blind.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published February 28, 2014.)