I LOVE YOU, HATER (Giselle Andres, 2018)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on I Love You, Hater:

1. In the words of the great Beyoncé, “Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue. Honesty is hardly ever heard. And mostly what I need from you.” (I know this was a Billy Joel original, but I’m a self-proclaimed millennial.)

Joko (Joshua Garcia) lived in his own world of lies. He fabricated a story to his family about working in New York and then he pretended to be a swishy beshie so that he could apprentice (read: be the next Darla) for Digital Empress Sasha Imperial (Kris Aquino, in her most challenging role as herself).

On the other hand, Zoey (Julia Barretto) with all of her emotional baggage that stemmed from father abandonment issues was allergic to lies. Would these two morally opposite poles attract (even with a pretend gender conflict)? We wouldn’t need an alien intervention to know the answer to this one.

In the spirit of honesty and the movie’s #SaTrueLang hashtag (wait, was that redundant?), let me say that I’m no hater, but I did not love this one at all. Similar to Giselle Andres’ last directorial effort Loving in Tandem, the weak and muddled plot could not be salvaged by the enthusiastic performances of its leads.

2. This might sound like a Julia Barretto Appreciation Post because I would be raving like a lovestruck lunatic over the next few sentences so be warned.

In last year’s Love You to the Stars and Back, I hailed her performance as the second coming of Queen Claudine Barretto. With this movie, she just officially earned her right to finally step out of her aunt’s shadow (yes, this would be the last time that I would compare her to Ate Clau).

In one scene, Zoey (who looked gorgeous with her wet, slicked back hair) attended the wedding of her half-sister where her absentee father (Ricardo Cepeda) proudly bragged about his “only daughter”. It was such a sad moment and you could see the terrible pain and humiliation in Zoey’s eyes, especially when the tears started to well up while she stormed out of the event (the succeeding scene where she sobbed in her room wasn’t even needed).

When Zoey admitted her feelings for Joko and then discovered his ruse, their confrontation scene (“Di ko alam kung bakit ako nagmahal…”) was an acting highlight for Julia. What started as an iyak-tawa delivery turned into full-blown rage and a definite nganga (did this girl really do that?) moment for me. I wonder how much of the behind the scenes issues and tension contributed to that brilliant scene. Hugot kung hugot, you go girl! Also, those seemingly naughty stares while she teased Joko were just too funny. Mahusay talaga siya dito.

(Side note: Joshua could still cry on cue, but his performance here seemed to lack the usual sensitivity and depth.)

3. Kris was surprisingly tolerable here and her supporting role was obviously stretched to ensure that she would get as much screen time as JoshLia. I guess it didn’t hurt that most of her scenes involved Sasha shooting her vlogs (for National Bookstore and iFlix, no less) so it was definitely in her wheelhouse. She also had a subplot about an Alzheimer’s-stricken father (Ronaldo Valdez, wonderful as always) and was given a couple of dramatic highlights (one closely resembled the McDo Karen ad) that probably would have been more effective if she weren’t trying so damn hard to squeeze her tearducts (as in literal na more pikit para pumatak ang luha).

If anything, I really loved her joyously colorful Happy Pride outfits. I wonder how many glitter unicorns had to die just to make them.

4. Speaking of pride, I was shocked to see an unrecognizable Mark Neumann playing one half of a gay couple (the other half was Markki Stroem). He was built up as a teen idol in Artista Academy and here he looked like a lipstick lesbian who might also own a Mio.

Why wasn’t the couple even invited when Zoey and Joko went to O Bar (billed here as Rave)? You know this was a work of fiction because in that scene where a Sarah Geronimo impersonator was performing, nobody from the crowd was doing the viral Tala dance moves.

5. Joshua must really be trying to fill the void left by John Lloyd Cruz because he had a Biogesic-like scene where he took Enervon and a few seconds later an extra was tasked to say “Ang taas ng energy mo!!”. Agad-agad??

I laughed out really loud though when promdi Joko called out the terrible food served in the wedding by saying “Hilaw nga nila sinerve yung steak eh. May dugo-dugo pa. Gross!” Nyahahaha!

6. My favorite scene was when Joko’s clan threw a surprise birthday party (complete with papier-mache lechon and cake) for Zoey. He then offered his father to dance with her and said, “Pahiram ko muna sa’yo ang tatay ko.” It was touching, heartfelt, and made me wish that Zoey had a standalone movie.

7. Burning questions:

• Why was Zoey wearing those short shorts (albeit stylish) for an important job interview?

• Would a Digital Empress really hire somebody that she met in an elevator and gave basic graphic design suggestions? More importantly, why couldn’t she afford to pay (or give a shoutout) for a decent logo design?

• Were those Instagram pictures intentionally Photoshopped to make Zoey’s father and his family look like they were levitating directly across the Leaning Tower of Pisa?

• Whenever Joko would get a hard-on, where was the actual bukol? What was he trying to cover?

• Why did Sasha give Joko some National Bookstore gift certificates and ask him to buy a new outfit? (Made out of cartolina, glitter, and glue gun?)

• When Zoey’s friend encouraged her crush on “gay” Joko by shouting “Wag matakot, maki-beki!”, was she really being a supportive friend or a staunch LGBT advocate?

• With the movie already running far too long, did we really need a recap of their sweetest moments before the climactic… hug?

8. “Kumain ka ng torta para lumaki kang borta.” And yet in my dyslexic brain it kept coming up as “Kumain ka ng borta na may malaking torta.” #SaTrueLang tayo besh.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

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ETIQUETTE FOR MISTRESSES (Chito Rono, 2015)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on Etiquette for Mistresses:

1. It was not the train wreck that I expected and it was all because of the skillful direction of Chito Rono and his cast of competent actresses. The movie was actually reminiscent of Rono’s own Separada with five women dealing with their own personal problems but united by a common concern (basically, men).

2. The story of the core group (that included an understated yet exemplary performance by Iza Calzado, a light and comical take by Kim Chiu, a fiery turn by Claudine Barretto in full Mela mode, a hilarious Cheena Crab, and not-so-annoying acting by Kris Aquino) didn’t break new ground but it would make one pity (not empathize with) these “holiday orphans”.

3. The mix of cameos (the stellar Pilar Pilapil, a graceful Mother Mistress Helen Gamboa), the interesting rules (“Mistresses don’t complain, that is the job of the Mrs.”, “Perish all thought that someday you’ll be number 1”, “When all else fails, leave him”), and the overall sadness of situations made it completely watchable.

4. Favorite scenes:

• Explanation of Lucky Moon

• The throwaway Timezone joke

• That confrontation scene shot in the shadows! And that slap heard around the world!! (I swear everyone in the theater gasped and feared for their own lives.)

Worst scenes:

• Cellphone breaks car window (huh?)

• Excessive focus on Kim’s character (did we need that lengthy guitar sequence?)

• The police sequence straight out of Eskapo

5. If only Star Cinema could control itself on its requisite happy ending complete with surprise leading men cameos.

Now sing with me: “And don’t tell me what to do, and don’t tell me what to say, and please when I go out with you, don’t put me on display. You don’t own meeeee…”

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Originally published October 1, 2015.)

ANAK (Rory Quintos, 2000)

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Although saddled by melodramatic conventions, this film was still a truthful depiction of the OFW life and its adverse effects on the core of a Pinoy family.

“Kung hindi mo ako kayang ituring bilang isang ina, respetuhin mo na lang ako bilang isang tao.” Ang sakit sakit naman, Ate Vi. 😭😭😭

Eh yung gusto ko talagang saktan si Carla (Claudine Barretto). As in Mon Tulfo in the airport level ganun. Ang effective nya bilang bwiset na ingrata haha!

I liked how they subverted the villain stereotype in one scene. Bad girl si Carla so more yosi. Tapos biglang sinabayan ng nanay nya. Ang galing.

Hindi ko nga maintindihan bakit sya galit na galit kay Ate Vi. Si Michael (Baron Geisler) nga giant dictionary ang nakuhang pasalubong tapos tahimik lang.

Rating: ★★★★☆

12 (Dondon Santos, 2017)

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I just watched almost two hours of petty sumbatan between two people that were never really meant to be together. I wish I were their therapist so I could have shushed them both with “Tengene maghiwalay na nga kayo!!”.

Alessandra de Rossi was fine as expected, but she needed a stronger partner to make the whole thing work. It would have also been nice if her broken character didn’t have to repeatedly verbalize that she was broken, broken, broken.

Ivan Padilla was such a terrible actor that he made Matthew Mendoza look like an Urian winner. I had to constantly shield my face every time he would start a shouting match because spittle would just keep flying everywhere.

I was surprised that Ivan even found the time to take a shower during their lengthy squabble, except that we needed a gratuitous topless shot of him in just a towel. He probably would have been better suited as a Bench model.

If you hadn’t learned anything from Ate Clau, here’s the moral of the story: Never get a relationship tattoo (unless you know a really good dermatologist that could laser that off).

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

LOVE YOU TO THE STARS AND BACK (Antoinette Jadaone, 2017)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on Love You to the Stars and Back:

1. As a kid, I believed everything that my mother told me. I would immediately take a shower after getting drenched in the rain to avoid getting pulmonya. I would forego that extra cup of rice during dinner lest I end up dying of bangungot. I never went to bed with wet hair because I didn’t want to wake up crazy and dragged all the way to the basement of Makati Med. I was proud of my huge ears because they meant that I would live a long life. I also ate an entire roasted lizard because it was supposedly a cure for my asthma.

I wasn’t surprised at all that young Mika (Julia Barretto) swallowed up all the alien talk of her soon-to-be-departed mother (Carmina Villaroel). I mean it would be nice to believe that E.T. (yes, as in “E.T., phone home!”) would one day abduct me and bring me to the stars so I could observe EDSA traffic from above. In Mika’s own words, “Walang imposible sa mundong ito. Kelangan mo lang maniwala.”

2. So Mika decided to look for aliens in Mt. Milagros (fictional place, right?) somewhere in Batangas and the very first thing she bought as supplies were…Choco Muchos?! Please tell me this wasn’t a blatant product placement (similar to that succeeding Oppo selfie) and that she was really a junk food junkie. Also, would Sapporo now be considered the official beer of Pinoy love stories? Better luck next time Red Horse Litro.

3. Leo Martinez had always been the token Batangueño character in Pinoy cinema and his accent (read: punto) would always be played for laughs. I was happy to see a different version here represented by Caloy (Joshua Garcia, another true-blue Batangueño), but I wish he kept the accent all-throughout the film just for authenticity (sadly, the ones by the supporting cast were spotty at best).

Joshua made up for it though with such a strong performance that displayed his versatility. The John Lloyd Cruz comparisons made during Vince & Kath & James were even more obvious (and justified) here. Naiiyak ako habang pinapanood lang sya umiyak, whether he was telling the story of how his father abandoned them over a plate of tapang kalabaw, or peering through the gate while getting rejected by said dad, or calling his mom to assure her that he was okay. Nanay pa niya si Cherry Pie Picache so wag na umasang di ka maiyak.

(I think the only weakness of Joshua would be his fake laugh because, well, it felt fake. Bawi naman sa pa-karug. Har har.)

4. I loved how the characters here bonded over the grossest things, making them more human and their relationship more relatable. Their meet cute moment actually involved pooping and pissing in a talahiban (another mother’s advice: always say ‘tabi tabi po’ to prevent the wrath of a nuno) and since a significant part of the movie had them inside a car, I was happy when somebody actually farted (with a round of finger-pointing after, of course!).

5. Wait, so Caloy was sick and he decided that the best way to go from Lemery to Calaca (this would be like going from Southmall to MOA ba?) was on a bike?

6. The manong manok character was definitely me to millennials: “Ang babata n’yo pa, ang lalandi n’yo na!”

Mika was able to provide a good defense though: “Bakit kung uso na ang cellphone nung EDSA Revolution, hindi rin ba kayo mag-selfie?!” Touché!

(Another Titas of Manila moment: my brain kept screaming “Eyes on the road!” while they kept making landi in a moving vehicle. Ay josko ka!)

7. Goldie, their pet chicken, was left in the car while they ate lunch. Buti hindi naging Chickenjoy pagbalik nila.

8. I was never really fond of Julia because of her rumored kaartehan and perceived brattiness (I read a lot of FashionPulis, sorry!), but she definitely proved her mettle here. Not only did she look and sound very much like her Aunt Claudine, she actually acted the exact same way.

I especially liked her in that bridge scene where all of her emotions just felt raw and natural. Any lesser actress would have disappeared amidst the powerful presence of Joshua. She also had this really cute (albeit bittersweet) scene with Mika imagining that Caloy was still in the passenger seat. All it needed was her playfully saying, “Mukha kang chewing gum na masarap nguyain.”

9. Although it had elements similar to The Fault in our Stars (and even Your Name), the film overall was still distinctly Jadaone. Iba pa rin ang magic niya kapag usapang pag-ibig. She always knew the right blend of kilig and drama.

I really liked how this was able to differentiate itself from TFIOS by showing the ugly side of cancer. It would be hard to forget that heartbreaking scene with Caloy all covered in his own puke and blood, trying to pretend that nothing was wrong with him. Also, it had one of the most unromantic (pero damang-dama pa rin) declarations of love in cinema. Move over, Ansel and Shailene!

10. “Walang sigurado pero minsan kelangan mo lang maniwala.” I now believe in you, JoshLia. Elyen!!

Rating: ★★★★☆

I’M DRUNK, I LOVE YOU. (JP Habac, 2017)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on I’m Drunk, I Love You.:

1. I recently read this Cosmo online article about the glorification of the Nice Guy syndrome in the Jollibee Vow ad. It basically stated that the said Nice Guy was actually a toxic idiot who often presented himself as the sacrificing fool to garner his female object of desire’s (and the world’s) sympathies. To a certain extent, it could also apply to a Nice Girl or Nice Gay or anybody who constantly depicted themselves as the kawawa party for being friendzoned.

This was the reason why I didn’t really feel all that bad for Carson (Maja Salvador) who had been salivating over her BFF Dio (Paulo Avelino) for more than seven years. She chose to go (literally) gaga over him even if he never really showed any interest in her other than as a friend. She answered his every beck and call even if it would usually be something petty like choosing the perfect pair of socks to wear (“Gusto ko ng input mo as a friend”). She showed incredible devotion and made personal sacrifices in the hopes that one day he would be able to reciprocate her feelings.

In short, everything was her fault and she chose to be tanga sa pag-ibig. If I were her friend, the only advice she would be getting from me would be a huge Maricel Soriano bitch-slap on her face (I’m judgmental like that).

2. Besides, I couldn’t really see anything nice or good or redeeming about Dio except that he looked like Paulo Avelino. When Carson professed her love and he reacted with a pity kiss, he was even being less of a friend and more of a jerk.

I suddenly remembered my past life when a friend wanted to drown herself along the malumot beach of Puerto Galera because I told her I couldn’t force myself to love her back. Brutal, yes, but at least I wasn’t being paasa. (And I think everyone would agree that aside from greedy taxi drivers and corrupt politicians, the paasas were the ultimate vermins of this earth).

3. Even with two major characters that deserved pag-untugin and a flimsy plot that didn’t really merit a full-length feature, this movie still had loads of charm coming from its actors and enough funny moments that carried it through.

Most of the credit should definitely go to Maja for simply being a believable and flawed lovesick puppy. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was actually just playing a modified, less glamorous version of her real self. Whenever she would say something like umebak (or an equally jologs-sounding word), it just felt natural and made her character a bit more endearing. And surprise, she did have an ebak scene here.

My favorite bit was when Dio told Carson, “Relax lang, yang puso mo” and she answered with “Nasa ‘yo” and immediately took it back with “Lalalalalalala charot lang expectorant”. It felt so spontaneous and incredibly sad and reminded me that I was watching an Urian winner.

4. I really liked the scene where Carson used her iPod like a Magic 8 ball with her asking questions and letting random songs provide the answer. Inasmuch as I loved and supported OPM though, I still wished that the songs used were a bit more relatable (not even one commercial Tagalog or foreign song on her playlist? I know, I know, the rights would have cost a lot of money, but I’m 100% sure she would have had Salbakuta’s S2pid Luv there).

Speaking of songs, most of the lyrics that were played during key moments were too on the nose when the actors’ performances should have been enough to convey the emotions. It was just too soon to have another The Breakup Playlist (or Ang Kwento Nating Dalawa).

5. Nakakatawa yung Kung Ako si John Lloyd song. Especially since it reminded me of One More Chance where Maja played another jilted lover. “Ay lab yu en ay wil tel yu ebridey. Ebridey antil yu porget da tings dat herth. Eep onli it cud bee dan, bat eet kennat bee dan.”

Also, the car scene here where she ended up in the back seat felt like a reversal of fortune when Basha sobbed as a third wheel for Trisha and Popoy.

6. I wasn’t too happy with the extraneous Jason Ty character and subplot. Don’t get me wrong, Dominic Roco played that Dimples Romana slash Ricci Chan role to a tee and he delivered some of the most hilarious lines in the movie (“Wag mo sya sasaktan papa-jombag talaga kita kay Claudine”, “Happy Horse for the happy whore!”, “Taray, seven years a slave”), but another gay best friend acting as the voice of reason slash source of comic relief deserved a side eye from fairy godmother Rupert Everett.

Also, his biggest love problem was that he said “I love you” after a one night stand. And his happy ever after involved a Grindr hook-up and a possible threesome. Dai, ang babaw ha.

7. Why were they all being mean to Pathy (Jasmine Curtis-Smith) for being vegan? I, too, would never eat bagnet (I’m just not fond of pork’s texture) so I felt closest to her character. It wasn’t her fault if her parents (probably Pamela and Thyro) named her with that unfortunate H. Also, why was she considered a villain for being an elitista that got featured in Young Star? She was actually a very charming and nice person who…wait, didn’t Iza Calzado also play the sweetest third party in Starting Over Again? And wasn’t she also named Patty? #HustisyaParaSaMgaPatty

8. “Tangina ang sakit ng truth, no? Lalo na kapag isinasampal sayo.” If Jason Ty were her real friend, he would have given her that Maricel Soriano bitch-slap that she deserved much, much earlier.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

Metro Manila Film Festival 2016 Scorecard

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After travelling to three cities and four cinemas in two days, I have officially completed the MMFF2016 marathon.

I’m happy to report that the festival achieved its goal and stayed true to its promise of change, of giving the Pinoy audience something new during the holiday season.

Even with a supposed indie selection, I still had a great time in cinemas. Some films made me laugh out loud, some made me cry like a baby, one scared me to my core, the rest I enjoyed watching with young ones (yes, even kids liked these indies!), but most importantly, they required me to think.

Napakasarap makatikim ng ibang klaseng putahe ngayong Kapaskuhan. Hinihintay na lang nila ang ating suporta.

With that said, here’s my festival scorecard:

Best Picture

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1. SUNDAY BEAUTY QUEEN (Baby Ruth Villarama, 2016) – ★★★★★

Napakagandang pelikula! Matututo kang magpasalamat sa bawat biyayang natanggap, pati na rin sa mga sakripisyong hindi mo ginagawa.

At bes, huwag mong sabihin na ayaw mong manood ng malungkot ngayong Pasko dahil sigurado akong pinanood at iniyakan mo lahat ng Christmas ads ng Uber, Selecta, at Coke. Magdala ng isang box ng tissues.

Dahil ang Pasko ay para sa mga bata, isama ang buong pamilya at manood na kayo. Now na. Tapos group hug kayo after. Merry Christmas!! 😊

 

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2. DIE BEAUTIFUL (Jun Lana, 2016) – ★★★★★

Nakakatuwang makatikim ng isang matalinong comedy sa MMFF. Yung nakakatawa ang mga linya at patok sa masa kahit wala ni isang karakter na nahuhulog galing sa bubungan.

Mas nakakatuwa na ang ganitong klaseng produkto ay tinatangkilik ngayon ng mga manonood (puno ang sinehan nung screening namin sa GB3). Pwede naman pala. Kaya naman pala.

Ang talento ni Paolo Ballesteros sa pelikulang ito ay directly proportional sa kanyang kagandahan bilang Trisha Echevarria. Ang husay! Hindi rin nagpakabog si Christian Bables na napakagaling bilang si BFF Barbs. #FriendshipGoals talaga sila. Sana masungkit nila ang Lead at Supporting Actor trophies.

Nuod na mga bes!! 😊

 

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3. SEKLUSYON (Erik Matti, 2016) – ★★★★☆

Sobrang nanghihinayang ako sa pelikulang ito dahil mas maganda pa sana siya kung marunong lamang umarte ang apat na deacons lalo na si Ronnie Alonte.

Ang husay ng technical aspects mula sa production hanggang sound design. Mahirap makalimutan ang lahat ng religious imagery na ginamit dito. Mahusay din ang direksyon para sa isang kakaibang Pinoy horror movie.

Ito talaga ang perfect anti-Christmas movie ngayong taon. Hahamunin kang mag-isip tungkol sa katatagan ng iyong pananampalataya.

 

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4. ANG BABAE SA SEPTIC TANK 2: #FOREVERISNOTENOUGH (Marlon Rivera, 2016) – ★★★★☆

Para sa katulad kong napanood na ata lahat ng Pinoy rom-com at kabisado na ang Star Cinema formula, natawa ako sobra sa pagka-brutal ng pelikulang ito. Bugbog na bugbog ang mainstream filmmaking at escapism in cinema. Walang sinanto katulad ng ginawa nila sa indie filmmaking at poverty porn doon sa unang pelikula.

Awakening talaga ito ni Eugene Domingo. Amoy na amoy ko na naman ang deserving na panalo as Best Actress. Sa three levels of hugot pa lang niya, sulit na ang bayad.

Magaling din si Jericho Rosales bilang Jericho Rosales. May self-awareness ang pagka-plakado bilang rom-com leading man. Naalala ko tuloy si Jaclyn Jose dun sa film within a film ng Tuhog.

Medyo off lang yung abrupt shift in tone dahil sa love story ni Kean Cipriano (na isiningit to ground the film). Pero totoong hinika ako kakatawa hanggang sa pinakahuling sequence. Waging-wagi!!

 

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5. SAVING SALLY (Avid Liongoren, 2016) – ★★★☆☆

Gusto kong tumira sa makulay na mundo ni Marty kahit puno sya ng mga monsters dahil gusto ko makita ang Warner Barberos at Sandara Park. Naalala ko tuloy ang fantasy element ng Scott Pilgrim Vs The World dito.

Nakakakilig at bagay ang tambalang Enzo Marcos at Rhian Ramos. Sana lamang hindi sila Ingles magsalita kasi medyo off para sa akin. Ang hirap lubos na ma-feel ng story dahil sa coniotic speak (ironic ba?). Para lang akong napadaan ulit sa THE Ateneo conyo bench sa labas ng caf. Higad na lang ang kulang para makumpleto ang experience.

“You wanted mayhem, war, and chaos, but isn’t that what love is all about?” Tumpak!!

 

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6. ORO (Alvin Yapan, 2016) – ★★★☆☆

Nag-flashback sa akin ang mga naunang seasons ng American Horror Story sa mga tilted frames na parang see-saw sa pagpapalit-palit. Parang weighing scale na mahirap hanapan ng balanse.

Maganda ang mensahe ng pelikula bilang environmental drama. Malaman ang sinasabi at mabigat sa mga metaphors at symbolisms. May bonus pa na supernatural element (na hindi ko nagustuhan sa Ang Tulay ng San Sebastian pero pasok sa banga sa An Kubo Sa Kawayanan).

Palaban si Irma Adlawan (lagi naman eh). Tindig at upo pa lang naniniwala na akong siya talaga si Kapitana. Sana lang hindi reactionary ang halos lahat ng kanyang eksena kasi siya ang totoong ginto ng pelikula.

 

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7. VINCE & KATH & JAMES (Theodore Boborol, 2016) – ★★☆☆☆

Walang bago maliban sa mga artista. Pinagtagpi-tagping cliches na napanood na natin sa mga dating rom-coms. Hindi rin naman masyadong na-utilize ang textserye origins niya. Halos nakumpleto niya ang checklist ng Star Cinema formula na kinukutya sa Septic Tank 2. Sunset lang ang kulang.

May natural charm itong si Joshua Garcia. Magaling siya dun sa confrontation scene nila ni Ina Raymundo, parang early John Lloyd. Akala ko maiirita ako kay Julia Barretto dito kaya nagulat ako na maayos naman siya, parang early Ate Clau.

Kinilig ang mga teenagers na kasabay kong nanuod. Masyado na ata akong matanda para sa ganitong genre.

 

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8. KABISERA (Arturo San Agustin, Real Florido, 2016) – ★★☆☆☆

Maganda sana dahil napapanahon ang tema nito tungkol sa extrajudicial killings ngunit hindi maayos ang pagkakalahad ng kwento.

Parang binigyan ang bawat artista ng kanyang sariling dramatic highlight para magpakitang-gilas kaya lahat sila eh three notches higher ang akting. Maliban kay Nora Aunor, parang hindi na mabibigyan ng susunod na project ang supporting cast kaya bigay todo na sa pag-ngawa kahit hindi naman kelangan sa eksena.

Ang daming mga bagay na parang walang sense at pinahaba lamang para mapuno ang two hour requirement. Mas mabuti pa yata kung ginawa na lamang siyang episode ng MMK.

 

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role

1. PAOLO BALLESTEROS (Die Beautiful)

2. JOSHUA GARCIA (Vince & Kath & James)
3. JOEM BASCON (Oro)
4. ENZO MARCOS (Saving Sally)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role

1. EUGENE DOMINGO (Ang Babae sa Septic Tank 2: #ForeverIsNotEnough)
2. IRMA ADLAWAN (Oro)
3. NORA AUNOR (Kabisera)
4. RHIAN RAMOS (Saving Sally)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role

1. CHRISTIAN BABLES (Die Beautiful)

2. LOU VELOSO (Seklusyon)
3. JERICHO ROSALES (Ang Babae sa Septic Tank 2: #ForeverIsNotEnough)
4. NEIL RYAN SESE (Seklusyon)
5. LOU VELOSO (Die Beautiful)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role

1. RHED BUSTAMANTE (Seklusyon)
2. PHOEBE WALKER (Seklusyon)
3. MERCEDES CABRAL (Oro)
4. MIMI JUAREZA (Die Beautiful)
5. GLADYS REYES (Die Beautiful)
6. SUE PRADO (Oro)
7. CAI CORTEZ (Ang Babae sa Septic Tank 2: #ForeverIsNotEnough)

Until next year!!

LOVE ME TOMORROW (Gino Santos, 2016)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on Love Me Tomorrow:

1. Dawn Zulueta would always be one of the loveliest faces in Philippine showbiz (Fountain of Youth? Renew Placenta Soap? Tell us your secret!) so it was hard to stomach that her pairing with Piolo Pascual was considered a May-December love affair. Seriously, in what universe would they be seen in a mall and people would mistake him as her son? I even cringed a bit when he called her Tita because they looked practically the same age (no, the earring didn’t make him look a decade younger). If they really wanted to show the disparity, they should have gotten Inigo Pascual instead, but I guess believability wasn’t the movie’s strongest suit.

2. “Life as I knew it was over nung ma-stroke ang asawa ko after 15 years of marriage.” Huh? What kind of wife are you? What happened to the in sickness and in health vow? Naka-wheelchair lang ang asawa mo katapusan na ng mundo? Since she was married to a much older man (Freddie Webb, or at least his Madame Tussaud’s version), I guess that solidified the perception that she was just after his money.

3. Do vets really administer rabies shots to humans? If I were bitten by a dog in Alabang Town Center, I would have rushed myself to RITM instead so I was really curious.

4. The Animals and #Y perfectly captured the fun and filth of the younger generation’s lifestyle and this was no exception. That scene where Dawn ended up wasted after a night of clubbing was reminiscent of Danny Boyle’s camerawork in Trainspotting (I really thought there would be projectile vomiting involved but I guess there was a specific clause in Dawn’s contract pertaining to cleanliness and hygiene).

5. MOMOTA = make out make out tapos awkward

DFML = da fuck makaimbento lang

6. Dawn made the most out of the terrible material thrown her way and I really enjoyed all the Titas of Manila bits (the occasional old women brunch, the joke involving Oriental Palace vs The Palace, her old person dance moves, the frequent Zumba references, etc.).

Still, I couldn’t understand why a smart designer like her would be the type to get lost in a beach in Laiya (how big was that resort?) or would prioritize pag-kerengkeng when she was supposed to launch her own line and fulfill her lifelong dream. No wonder her models had ill-fitting clothes on the runway.

7. Pet peeve in movies: People having a normal (slightly louder) conversation in clubs. Any party person would know that you could barely hear anything with the loud music and you could actually use this to make a move and whisper some nonsense while really close to your crush’s ear. (Everyone has tried that, right?)

8. Yes, Piolo had lots of topless scenes. (I get this question in every review so I might as well respond to it beforehand.)

Also, the sex scene between Piolo and Dawn was so tame (read: pa-ahrt) that it could very well have been the first one to be rated General Patronage.

9. Piolo was such an in-demand DJ that he only had one song (Love Me Tomorrow Tatlong Bibe Remix, of course!) in his setlist. Groan.

10. “Kailan pa naging mali na piliin ang maging masaya ka?” Gurl, siguro pag merong nasasaktang iba?

11. Who played Coleen Garcia’s sister? She looked and talked like she was born from and raised in a different household.

12. Continuity issue: Dawn called Piolo as babe while they were walking in Madrigal Business Park and then a few scenes after she was surprised when Piolo called her babe and she asked if that was their pet name. Huh?

13. Someone had what looked like a cold sore on the lower lip. Eew! Please tell me that was a pimple.

14. Kagulo ang last act. Why should we even care about these petty people with their petty problems? This movie should not have been two hours long.

15. As always, the failure of a love story was the fault of a successful career woman. Ugh.

Anyway, that scene on the bench where Dawn was giving motherly advice to Piolo reminded me of another May-December Pinoy movie, Jerry Lopez-Sineneng’s Soltera with Maricel Soriano, Diether Ocampo, and Claudine Barretto. It was much better, funnier, and it didn’t include a SunLife commercial.

16. Since this was by Star Cinema, the cameos in the end weren’t really surprising. Actually, it made the pairing even more dreadful since the people were obviously more kilig with Dawn and Richard Gomez. We demand a CharDawn movie!!

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

IN YOUR EYES (Mac Alejandre, 2010)

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The movie, the characters, and the storyline were all completely despicable. It was hard to root for anyone in this awful movie because the characters probably weren’t written to make clear judgements.

Don’t get me started on the horrendous non-acting of Richard Gutierrez. Stupid decisions were made, improbable outcomes happened, and then the movie had the gall to fast-forward two years later where the characters simply forgot everything that happened and lived happily ever after. “Hey, you made out with my sister but that’s okay since we all have green cards now. Let’s fix our relationship and forget everything. Call me maybe?”

You would definitely want to take a long cold shower to remove this much filth from your mind.

Rating: 1/5