DARK WATER (Walter Salles, 2005)

7462058C-D2AB-46BB-ACFB-91DDFD365F5D

One of the better Hollywood remakes of an Asian horror movie. I liked how it focused more on the psychological drama (maternal love, abandonment issues) and minimized the cheap scares (although I missed the elevator scene, definitely the scariest one in the original).

On the flip side, it was affected by some pacing issues and a wooden Dougray Scott (he was supposed to play Wolverine?!).

I wish Jennifer Connelly didn’t suffer from the Oscar curse (Winter’s Tale! Noah!) because she was just fantastic in this one.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Originally published July 3, 2017.)

 

MOVIE REVIEW: AFTER EARTH (M. Night Shyamalan, 2013)

F520D0FE-0518-4B8D-A59D-8FFE56294E20

At least it’s not The Happening.

The good news: it wasn’t as awful as I expected it to be. The bad news: It was still a bad movie that played like a lame videogame.

It was Hollywood nepotism at its worst. Jaden Smith seemed to have lost all the charms he displayed in the Karate Kid remake.

For all its worth, I was happy they downplayed that it was a Shyamalan movie because (spoiler alert!!) it had no requisite twist.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published June 9, 2013.)

MOVIE REVIEW: JOHN CARTER (Andrew Stanton, 2012)

0ECA61C2-E15B-48D8-8C48-AB52A9C1DB87

It was easy to see why this was the biggest box office bomb of all time (at least, for now). The visual effects were cheesy, the plot wasn’t that interesting, and it had an awful actor in the lead role.

To be honest, I wasn’t a fan of the Star Wars movies and this one made The Phantom Menace look like a classic. Dear Hollywood Studios, we have had enough of these Mars movies. It’s time to explore another planet.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published April 2, 2012.)

MOVIE REVIEW: SUNOD (Carlo Ledesma, 2019)

F1AC60A9-B8BE-4860-8168-75EF9A87F4E4

To be fair, ang daming visually-arresting images dito lalo na yung mukhang natatabunan ng lupa at yung use ng red string. May feel siya ng current Hollywood horror movie. Yung di puro cheap jump scares na lang. Kaso problema rin na hindi siya nakakatakot at all.

Aliw na aliw ako sa call center setting na nasa isang abandoned hospital tapos literal na production floor na agad paglabas ng elevator. Ano kayang mga grievance and appeals ng mga agents dito maliban sa amoy chloroform tapos parang nagtitipid sila ng kuryente?

Lakas ng tawa ko nung yung COO ng company na si Mylene Dizon ay nagmamasid sa mga agents mula sa second floor at nakikinig sa call-handling skills nila. Kabog niya lahat ng kilala kong terror QAs. Tenga lang pala niya ang katapat ng call monitoring systems. Feedback agad for immediate coaching.

Hindi ako masyadong impressed noon kay Krystal Brimner sa Honor Thy Father. Pero iba ang galing niya dito as a possessed girl. Ang ganda ng transitions niya from being helpless and innocent to sinister and creepy.

The best for me na hindi si Susan Africa ang may TB dito for a change. Kaso kelangan ba talaga na gawin siya kamukha nung internet viral sensation na si Momo?

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

MOVIE REVIEW: ANG HENERASYONG SUMUKO SA LOVE (Jason Paul Laxamana, 2019)

2D798E3E-9213-4983-B1C2-4CFE7148365E

SPOILER ALERT!!

Super concerned ako sa tropang ito kasi di pinag-usapan ang transpo nung nag-anniversary reunion sila sa kanilang out-of-town meeting place. Seryoso, hiwa-hiwalay ang pagdating? Close ba talaga sila?

Tapos yung movie was really less about their friendship and more on their individual lives. Yung parang US network show na mag-reminisce yung isang character tapos biglang flashback sa story niya. Meron sila kanya-kanyang segments that depicted their mostly petty problems (least of all yung love, kaya di ko rin nakuha ang title).

Si Ma-an (Jane Oineza) naunahan na ni Ellenya L. Desperate siya for online validation pero ang chaka ng content ng vlogs. Kelangan pa niya mag-drawing ng line graph before ma-realize na mas mataas na ang subscriber count niya kesa sa jowa ng ex niya (whut?).

Si Denzel (Jerome Ponce) naman ay bakla kasi siya yung loud, bitchesa, at tumitili kapag may pumuputok na lobo. Maayos pa naman umarte si Jerome in his previous films pero itinodo niya ang pagiging screaming queen dito. Yung every pilantik ng kamay eh di mo makakalimutan ang gender niya. Tapos nagmahal siya ng isang guy na ayaw siya i-kiss until official na sila pero gusto ng open relationship (huh? Mga vaklang twoooh!). Nasayang tuloy ang budget Magic Mike moves niya.

(Side note: Anim na seniors ang nag-walk out sa segment na ‘to kasi puro Grindr hook-ups. So plus one star agad kasi nabawasan ang ngumunguya ng chicharon sa sinehan.)

Ang mag-jowa na Hadj (Albie Casiño) at Junamae (Myrtle Sarrosa) mag-MU kaya sila pero hindi talaga sila (wait, anong term sa ganito ng current generation, pang-thunders na kasi ang MU). Nakakatawa si Hadj kasi siya yung infatuated sa Hollywood rom-coms kaya puro couples lang ang nakikita niya kahit saan tumingin. Pero feeling ko mahilig din siya sa Pinoy melodrama bilang nag-ala Gabby Concepcion acting via Dapat Ka Bang Mahalin siya nung lalayasan na ni Junamae (yan talaga pangalan niya baka tatay niya si Jun at nanay si Inamae jk).

Yung story ni Kurt (Tony Labrusca) ang pinaka-nagustuhan ko kasi nag-resonate sa akin yung situation niya na burnout sa work kaya affected ang physical and mental state niya. Nakakadala ang scene na umiiyak na lang siya habang tuloy-tuloy ang pagtanggap niya ng trabaho kasi kelangan (and also kasi nga di na sya nakakapag-isip ng maayos). Nung nag-describe siya na blank ang feeling kahit ano pa ang ma-achieve niya, ramdam ko yun sobra.

Sayang talaga kasi kulang sa bonding ang mga characters na ‘to. Di ko man lang alam paano sila naging magkakasundo given their different attitudes and personalities. Dinaan na lang sa isang montage sa dulo before hugging it out over a sensitive matter. I guess hanggang ganun na lang talaga siya. Wag na daw tayo magreklamo as long as naghuhubad lagi si Tony dito.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

THE EXPENDABLES 3 (Patrick Hughes, 2014)

E1AC1E8A-496A-4B0A-B613-0349AC574D4B

It’s the pinakbet of Hollywood action stars. With Frasier. Never been fond of pinakbet.

I’m still waiting for our local version starring Bong Revilla, Cesar Montano, Lito Lapid, Ronnie Ricketts, Ian Veneracion, Dante Varona, Jeric Raval, Baldo Marro, Chuck Perez, Jestoni Alarcon, Robin Padilla, and Eddie Garcia.

Paging Mother Lily!!

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published August 25, 2014.)

MOVIE REVIEW: THE BOURNE LEGACY (Tony Gilroy, 2012)

6A68B8A1-715A-484E-B6C7-52117DCCFCF4

It was great to see a lot of people that braved the rains and floods just to watch a jeepney on the big screen.

Unfortunately, the movie was two hours of exposition: a failed attempt to reboot a franchise. I’m sure a lot of people missed Matt Damon and the frenetic camerawork of Paul Greengrass.

Manila never looked this glossy, though, and it was a delight to see our local actors (John Arcilla, Madeleine Nicolas, Art Acuna, Lou Veloso, etc.) in a real Hollywood movie.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published August 10, 2012.)

THE PERFECTION (Richard Shepard, 2019)

1D4FBF38-EBA4-4711-8E6A-FA3C2A18B8D6

SPOILER ALERT!!

Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite just won the Palme d’Or in the recent Cannes Film Festival which should provide fresh material to future Hollywood and/or Netflix productions.

Inasmuch as I liked the performances of Allison Williams and Logan Browning, I just couldn’t stop laughing at how much this was a trashy rip-off of The Handmaiden (with a few elements borrowed from other South Korean films as well). And why did it have to keep rewinding events just to explain the already obvious?

Completely insane, but devoid of delicious brilliance.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆