MOVIE REVIEW: THE STRANGERS: PREY AT NIGHT (Johannes Roberts, 2018)

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Even worse than the first. Watching this movie about a family of morons getting butchered definitely put the torture in torture porn.

It was so bad that I was gleefully singing along to Air Supply’s Making Love Out of Nothing At All while the whiny daughter was getting ready to be filleted.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published June 16, 2018.)

MOVIE REVIEW: 47 METERS DOWN (Johannes Roberts, 2017)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

It’s the kind of dumb and trashy fun flick meant to be seen on the big screen even if you’d feel a bit duped after watching (see: The Shallows).

I really loved that money shot involving a trio of sharks and a lighted flare (although I actually screamed during a Jaws rip-off scene). Ending was a bit of a cop-out.

Dear parents, please do not bring your young kids to watch this. There were a number of them in the screening earlier and when the cage started to plunge in the abyss, all of them just simultaneously started crying. Poor babies were probably scarred for life and would never even swim in a pool.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Originally published August 27, 2017.)

MOVIE REVIEW: THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR (Johannes Roberts, 2016)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on The Other Side of the Door:

1. Mothers always make the toughest decisions in movies. Whenever a mother of two kids gets involved in an accident with them, you can expect a Sophie’s Choice moment where she has to decide and save (and therefore show her bias/favoritism/put more importance to) a specific child. She’s then subjected to endless guilt and shame on top of the overwhelming feeling of loss.

I last saw this happen in the local horror flick Amorosa where Angel Aquino had to decide if she should save Enrique Gil or Martin del Rosario. Tough call, right?

2. In this movie, Sarah Wayne Callies (Lori of The Walking Dead) was placed in the same situation and the consequences of her choice made her desperate to do anything to communicate again with the son that she lost. An Indian woman advised her that she could do this in an abandoned temple between the dead and the living (huh?) as long as she didn’t open the door (insert Ate Gay joke here) and let out the spirits saying hello from the other side (insert Adele joke here). Since this was a horror movie, you knew that door will be opened.

3. Why are most of the (good) scary stories set in Asia? Even Hollywood remakes tried to bring back the stories to their original settings because it just seemed more natural. The Grudge sent Sarah Michelle Gellar back to Japan. Even the recent horror flick The Forest had to use a Suicide Forest in Japan. (Wait, I’m visiting Tokyo soon. Should I be scared?) It must be the exoticism of the region that just made it more mystical. (FYI, this movie was an exception. Completely horrible.)

4. Most of the scenes were too dark that it was hard to see the apparently horrific things happening onscreen. The sound effects cued every scare, but nothing worked.

5. Do you still remember Flower Girl from Sukob? The one who reminded siblings not to get married on the same year? The one who left a trail of leaves whenever she made a surprise appearance? The only one that successfully killed Kris Aquino outside of her massacre movies? She has finally conquered Hollywood. I’m so proud of her!

6. I remember reading this short horror story where a father was trying to pacify his crying son who was saying that a monster was under his bed. When he peeked under, he saw his real son who shushed him and said that there was another boy on his bed. That was a real goosebumps moment. The movie tried to incorporate a similar scene but it was nowhere near as effective.

7. After an hour of terrorizing the family, how did they get rid of the ghost? The mother begged him to go away. Eh puwede naman pala pakiusapan jusko!!

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆