MOVIE REVIEW: FENG SHUI 2 (Chito Roño, 2014)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on Feng Shui 2:

1. Roño mentioned in a recent interview that he didn’t want to do a sequel since he didn’t want to make the same movie. He named this Feng Shui and it was supposed to be a continuation of the original story. The title was apt since it was basically a retread of the original.

2. The previously novel idea of people dying based on their animal signs proved to be stale this time around. Who could forget the well-thought out sequence in the original where Lotlot de Leon (born on the year of the horse) got hit by an ironing board and fell to her death on cases of Red Horse? None of the deaths here had the same impact.

3. Every death had to be explained and every animal connection had to be in full view just in case the audience didn’t get it. What happened to subtlety? We’re not idiots.

4. Rat killer, Red Bull, Doug wearing a dogtag, Playboy shirt and Red Rabbit fire extinguisher, Snake Island truck, chicharon, these were the best that they could think of?

5. Bad dubbing. Really bad dubbing.

6. A lot of the characters here had never seen a bagua. I guess they weren’t able to watch the original movie.

7. Am I the only one who found it funny that a movie about karma (or close to it) actually starred Carmi Martin? Carmi Martin was really just around the corner.

8. As expected, there were mini-commercials shilling products endorsed by the stars. And so we got all the reasons why we needed to buy Nxled lights by Akari. I suddenly missed that Chunkee dinner scene in the original.

9. One clunky scene had Coco being thrown around by an invisible being. The special effect was too funny. And too lame. What was that?

10. And yet another scene was ripped from The Grudge (the eye and hair shot, you’ll remember when you see it).

11. Kris Aquino had this perpetually constipated look like she was watching Darla consume a whole lechon.

12. I guess all the zumba did her good with all those running scenes.

13. I saw the movie with the noisiest crowd ever (both fun and annoying at the same time). They were screaming their heads off as soon as the lights dimmed. I think they had lots of fun shouting in every scare scene regardless if these weren’t really scary.

14. The ending hinted at another sequel (hey Direk Chito what happened to that no sequel thingie?) and the final scene tried to be social media relevant with the bagua being shared online. So the third movie will be The Ring? Digital na ang karma? Wait, you can’t see your reflection on a picture! How will that work? I give up.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published December 26, 2014.)

MOVIE REVIEW: FENG SHUI (Chito Roño, 2004)

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Bakit ba tuwang-tuwa tayo na nakikitang pinahihirapan si Kris Aquino? Blockbuster halos lahat ng massacre movies at horror films niya kahit ang chaka niya talaga umarte at mas nakakatawa kesa nakakaawa siya kapag sumisigaw.

Kung si Ate Guy na-perfect ang pagluha sa isang mata lang, kabog siya dito ni Kris na mala-bidet ang tatlo-tatlong chunky na luhang pumapatak sa mga mata niya.

Speaking of chunky, sobrang underrated talaga nung batang kapitbahay nila dito. Tawang-tawa pa rin ako nung sarap na sarap siya sa Purefoods Chunkee Corned Beef (“Ang sarap! Iba ‘tong sa inyo no, buo buo pa!!”). Hahahaha! Tapos ang classic lang nung scene na nagtakbuhan na sila palabas ng bahay tapos yung mag-aama sumakay sa kotse at siya ay hirap na hirap mag-bisikleta palayo. Langhiyang tatay yun haha!

Memorable talaga yung death sequence dito ni Lotlot de Leon. Very Pinoy ng conceit kaya hindi makukuha ng foreign viewers kung gaano kagaling na hinataw siya ng kabayo (as in plantsahan) at nahulog sa mga bote ng Red Horse.

Sana malaki ang bonus nung nakaisip ng teaser nito. Yung may batang kumakanta ng “May uwi si nanay, si nanay sa bahay…”. Kinilabutan ka ba nung maalala mo?

Rating: ★★★☆☆