SA NGALAN NG AMA, INA AT MGA ANAK (Jon Villarin, 2014)

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SPOILER ALERT!!

My notes on Sa Ngalan ng Ama, Ina at Mga Anak:

1. Somebody needed to trim his armpit hair.

2. Since the cast included a big star like Daniel Padilla, he got his own love story arc. Unfortunately the girl was not Kathryn Bernardo.

3. I wonder if all the Padilla boys acted the same way. They talked like there was phlegm permanently stuck in their throats. All hammy, too.

4. Mariel Rodriguez got out of bed butt naked and people started giggling. Was it because of the gratuitous nudity?

5. Wait, was that Aljur Abrenica in a Star Cinema movie? Where was his gratuitous nudity?

6. Robin’s constant posturing and pouting in this movie would make him the perfect choice for a local version of Zoolander.

7. Remember those Fernando Poe, Jr. movies where he was invincible to all flying bullets? Here, the entire Padilla clan played Fernando Poe, Jr.

8. Kylie Padilla delivered her lines like she was in a third grade elocution contest where she kept pausing and forgetting her next words.

9. I’ve never seen this many time jumps since Quantum Leap.

10. With all the splattered blood onscreen, I wonder why this movie was not R-18 for excessive violence. It was like a Tarantino film, less the art.

11. I bet BB Gandanghari could have made this Padilla movie more interesting.

12. So a character jumped on a grenade but didn’t get blown to pieces and even got resurrected by an “agimat”. Ehrm.

I’d rather play Flappy Bird.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally published February 4, 2014.)

MISTERYO SA TUWA (Abbo dela Cruz, 1984)

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Kung may natutunan man ako sa Feng Shui ni Tita Krizzy at sa kwento ni Hurley sa Lost, ito ay laging may kapalit ang swerte (lalo na ang biglaang yaman). Isipin mo one moment nag-iinuman at nagsasayawan kayo sa isang pagdiriwang tapos dahil sa isang twist of fate ay biglang nabalot ng malas at kamatayan ang masaya n’yong barrio.

Ang daming gustong sabihin ng pelikula at ganito ang masarap himayin sa isang film class or movie club. Nakakatuwa din na nauna pa ito sa A Simple Plan ni Raimi (kasi sobrang pareho sila ng story) at Reservoir Dogs ni Tarantino (na may similar tenga-slicing scene).

Johnny Delgado, Tony Santos, Sr., Ronnie Lazaro, Alicia Alonzo, Ama Quiambao, Lito Anzures, Ray Ventura, Vangie Labalan, etc. Mapapamura ka na lang sa galing ng ensemble na ‘to.

May looting scene na nag-uunahan at nag-aagawan ang mga taong-bayan dun sa pinagbagsakan ng eroplano. May pact ang magkakaibigan na walang aamin sa secret nila. Tapos biglang may anti-rat campaign ang gobyerno hahaha ang talino!!

(Also, ang ganda ng restoration pero may mga parts talaga na hindi na na-salvage sayang.)

Rating: ★★★★★

ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD (Quentin Tarantino, 2019)

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Almost three hours of absolute boredom. Nainggit ako sa mga nag-walkout after the first 40 minutes kasi wala naman talaga masyado ganap. Dun lang ako natawa sa Bruce Lee sequence. Sobrang dami pang close-up shots ng mga maduduming paa yuck. Sana hinintay ko na lang ‘to sa Netflix.

Worst film of the year? Let’s just say that I’d recommend this to my worst enemy.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆