PADDINGTON (Paul King, 2014)

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My notes on Paddington:

1. Why do these foreign movies now start with a disclaimer from the distributor explaining why the version you’re about to watch got mutilated? It’s not like we had a choice to begin with. (Ok, illegal downloads but don’t be such a smart-ass.)

2. I still couldn’t understand why the movie filled with British characters had to be dubbed by local actor Xian Lim. It didn’t add anything to the final product. It wasn’t like Paddington had to say a few Tagalog phrases. He actually ended up sounding like a Pinoy Harry Potter with a wobbly accent. Or a distant relative who lived in London for a few months and suddenly had a bloody faux British accent.

3. The mostly English cast was superb. Hugh Bonneville, Sally Hawkins, Julie Walters, Jim Broadbent, all it needed was a few more Downton Abbey players. And then there was Nicole Kidman.

4. To be honest, I was baffled by the glowing reviews for this movie. Maybe I was just too old and cranky to watch something so juvenile. I know it was primarily aimed at kids but if your idea of humor was a bear sticking toothbrushes in his ear then licking the earwax off before a human character actually used one to brush his teeth, then you might enjoy this.

5. The trench coat on Paddington reminded me so much of streakers. He could be the nicer cousin of Ted.

6. Two scenes were straight out of the Mission: Impossible movies and I have to say Kidman did it better than Cruise.

7. I liked the bit explaining how parents suddenly become overprotective of their kids. If only the film focused more on the heart instead of the crass.

8. The movie did make me crave for marmalade. Wait, is that different from jam? Or jelly? Either way, I need a jar now.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published February 16, 2015.)

JOBS (Joshua Michael Stern, 2013)

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Provided a superficial look at the life of Apple co-founder Steve Jobs, depicted here as a genius a-hole. It’s no The Social Network.

Ashton Kutcher did a decent mimicry of Jobs, although there were scenes where he looked like a young Tom Cruise doing the impersonation.

You know that this film was simply glossing over its subject when the highlights were actually on Steve Wozniak, played by the funny Josh Gad.

You’re better off reading the Jobs biography.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally published September 8, 2013.)

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – ROGUE NATION (Christopher McQuarrie, 2015)

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You don’t watch a movie called Mission: Impossible expecting believability so the best thing to do is check your brain at the door and just enjoy.

I can only wish to be as charming and agile as Tom Cruise when I’m 53. One scene involving a pole and handcuffs completely defied the laws of physics and put Stephen Amell and his salmon ladder (Google it!) to shame.

The elaborate and cleverly-staged action sequences are worth the price of admission.

Watch it in 2D/4DX and have a blast.

Rating: ★★★★☆

(Originally published August 3, 2015.)